Welcome to this week's edition of the Something Awful Goldmine. How've you been? We're swell, thanks for asking! This week, our topic is on fast action BREAKING NEWS! There's a lot of stuff breaking in the world, and often times, BREAKING NEWS! reports are there to pick up on them, and relay the news to you and others like you. Our elite team of goons in the Awful Forums went about creating a blissful amalgamation of images for you to peruse. These reports are all fake, but they may one day be true! So it's best to look at them several times and take heed of the warnings they lay forth. Now, enough incoherent rambling, on with the incoherent show!

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  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

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