Kinder Avocado: a normal avocado but where the pit usually is, it's a small unassembled toy instead
kiwis the size of watermelons, and every seed is nice and tastes like a blueberry
kiwis the size of watermelons, but when you cut it open its full of seeds and every seed is actually a spider (prank kiwi for your friends)
root oranges: hardy underground citrus for difficult growing climates
a pine tree that incinerates itself after december 25th
intelligent fruits... genes 2 make them smarter and better at turning themselves into perfect specimens and obsessed with dying at just the right time to ripen to perfect freshness for you
GODSPEED JOHN GLENN
Birds that shit ice cream into your mouth
corn that has a single grain of salt and a drop of butter injected into every kernel before its dried
not really a gmo until we discover the butter gene but it will make perfect popcorn every time
cows that make Dr. Pepper instead of milk
lightning backlights castle spires. deep within the dungeons below, a scientist reaches for an udder. madness gleams in this eyes, a reddish brown stream arcs into the beaker. sweat beads on his forehead. he smells the liquid, cherry and spice mingled with warm cattle and the more sinister smells of the secret laboratory. he swirls the liquid in the beaker, once, twice. the cow lows softly, chewing 6 of its 11 additional cuds. face set with resolve, he takes a large gulp, shudders, and collapses. a long, desperate scream can be heard throughout the forests surrounding the castle, and above the crashing thunder a curse that sounds something like "Mr. Pibb"
beets where you squeeze them over a canvas and the canvas dematerializes, and rematerializes in an art gallery a few blocks away with the beet's name accredited to it
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.