If you're interested in purchasing a Keurig brand single cup coffee maker, then 1) fucking don't, obviously, you idiot, and 2) check out this informative article detailing some of the top tips and hacks to make the most of your Keurig experience! Credit for the tips goes to our very own BYOB subforum.
1. get a really big mug. put a hazelnut coffee into the kuerig and make some coffee with it. now put a hot chocolate pod in the keurig and make some hot chocolate in the same mug, then stir it all together. you can drink it yourself, or you can give it to your mom or your sweetie.
2. if you can make a keurig bounce off the ground three times and provide video evidence of doing it the inventor of keurig will give you a $50 taco bell gift card. he promised he would in his autobiography: "yeah, I did it. I made the kuerig. so what?"
3. if you're lonely at work because you had to come in on the weekend you can make the kuerig look like it is talking to you by manipulating the door of the water container so that it looks like the voice you made up for the keurig is actually coming out of the water container. don't do this when other people are around because if you get really into it and start riffing a whole conversation they'll laugh at first, but then after awhile they will get uncomfortable and later your boss will come to your desk and ask you to visit Diane in HR.
4. if you don't put a pod into the keurig and press the button anyways, you can use it to wash very tiny dishes.
5. if your coffee loving friends start ragging on your for buying a keurig, because the coffee isn't good (their words), get them back on your side by saying "yeah, but at least this coffee isn't as bad as donald trump and brexit!" people get a kick out of donald trump and brexit,.
6. if you put almonds into the empty k cup holder after you finish making your coffee in the morning then you will have a surprise snack the next time you make coffee.
similar to the mantis shrimp, the keurig machine can be used to fire a supercompact packet of hyperheated water to ward off potential threats.
For a fast snack throw a frozen turkey meatball in your Keurig. Drop the cooked meatball into your mug of delicious broth and enjoy at home or on the go with a travel mug.
GODSPEED JOHN GLENN
Put a raisin in, and a super hot grape pops out
Drop a cadbury egg in there for a fun way to celebrate easter.
doubles as a shitty nutcracker
If you tickle a Keurig behind the nozzle, back and a little to the left, you can usually make it laugh and revert momentarily to it's normal gelatin state. Most Keurigs are highly trained professionals though so they'll regain composure quickly. Don't do this too often or else it won't be able to re-solidify and trust me that is a mess to clean up.
the newer keurigs are significantly safer than the old ones in that the switch to dispense hydrochloric acid has been relocated to the underside of the unit instead of right next to the "brew" button
their lawyers keep making noises about removing the unit's ability to secrete flesh-dissolving acid altogether, but honestly it's hard to give up the convenience
the keurig in my office used to dispense steaming hot coffee when i put a k cup in, but i recently swapped to an off brand and now it just spits out 10w30 motor oil no matter what i put in
while i like the convenience of never having to pay BIG CASTROL SYNTEC for my oil changes, it's not nearly as refreshing and my office now smells like a mechanic shop
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Jeff Foxworthy has awakened to the new flesh to tell some redneck jokes.
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