My penis is like a 2005 Chrystler 300C wrapped around a tree. Stocky, luxourous but bent unnaturally to the left.
My penis could be like my 2000 Monte Carlo. Big enough and and comfy for all who ride. Usually seen without passengers, but otherwise I am proud it's mine.
My penis is a hippie bus; Decent size, has been painted by people on lots of drugs, smells kind of funny, but gets lots of use and can take you all over. Oh, and shaggy rug.
My penis is like a Weinermobile, and why not? It's big, obscene, and draws everybody's attention when I whip it out on the highway.
My penis is like a Imprezza WRX. Only gay people drive it.
My penis is a Volkswagon Beetle, for a period of time it was incredibly popular and everyone wanted to ride it. Now it's not cool anymore and most people just make jokes about it.
My penis is like a BMW 6-series; its strange shape and styling makes it popular with very few people. Oh, and it has a drop-top.
My penis is like a DeLorean; it's a unique work of art and has appeared in three movies with Michael J. Fox.
My penis is like a pirate ship: ridden by various rugged yet loyal men, and has a penchant for ropes and booty.
My penis is like a Mack truck: huge, sees frequent, heavy use and carries a lot of cargo.
My penis is like a scooter. It's small and people laugh when they see it.
My penis is like a Datsun 240z: fucking cool, ladies love riding it.
My wang is like my 1994 VW Golf: just the right size to drive anyone around, efficient, and an alarming shade of red.
My penis is like a mail truck. It always comes once a day and people get excited when it shows up at their house.
Mine's like my 1986 Buick LeSabre: wide, lasts forever, and prefers a moderate pace to overly fast or slow.
My penis is like the Batmobile; I use it to fight crime occasionally, but I'd prefer to drive it into deep, dark places.
My penis is like a Harley Davidson chopper. It's big, heavy and black and sticks way out in front of my crotch. And it's usually ridden by fat, bearded men wearing leather and chains.
My penis is much like a BMW 525i. Just big enough, classically styled, but takes for fucking ever to get anywhere.
My penis is like a car from the Jetsons!! It's not real.
My penis is like a Buick. It's American, and also it continued to increase in size and weight through the 1960s.
My penis is like a riding mower. It really stops traffic when I take it out on the freeway.
My penis is an Audi TT. It's fit for two.
My penis is like the old ford conversion van I had in high school. Big, lots of power, unreliable. Girlfriend's dads freak out when they see it. Also it got a lot more use in high school.
My penis is like a purple 2002 Chevrolet Cavalier. For some unknown reason, only fat chicks find it appealing.
My vagina is like the '32 Ford street rod my boyfriend's building. Although he cherishes it and is overly protective of it (he freaks out if anyone touches it, including me), it only gets driven on special occassions. But being made with fresh, young materials, its starts reliably every time and will get you where ever you want to go a heck of alot quicker than if you tried getting there yourself. Also, like the actual car, it often comes second to leveling his Mage.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.