My vagina is like my Explorer. You can fit a lot big shit in there.
My weiner is a dragster. Long, skinny, and it gets to its destination way too fast, where its fuel is promptly spent and won't start again.
My vagina is like this Datsun Dime autocross car- compact, meticuluously maintained, and a little bit goofy-looking. Also, only Datsun enthusiasts truly appreciate its understated beauty.
My penis is like a '97 Honda civic. It's tiny compared to everything else on the road today.
My penis is like a Dodge Viper Type-S: If you see me with it, I'm compensating for something else.
I'd have to say my dick is like my Jeep. Big, white, has more under the hood than it needs for daily use, and can be used to pull stumps or tow stuff.
My penis is like a Hot Wheel, small, colorful, and always being handled by chil...nevermind.
My penis is like a Maybach. It's very difficult to get, only viewed by a select few people, and a massive disappointment once it's actually received. Plus it has a mahogany interior.
Mine is like a 1200CC bike. The size takes some getting used to, only comfortably seats two, and you don't have to wear a tight leather outfit to get on, but it helps.
My vagina is kind of like my 2005 Hyndai Accent. It gets driven fairly often but still has low miles. Small enough that one person can fit comfortably, but upon adding a second you have noticibly less room. Technically there is a backseat, but nobody's ever ridden back there. Probably for the best anyway, as shoe-horning would be required. Unlike my car however, my boyfriend hasn't left any crabs in the cupholder.
My penis is like the Koenigsegg CCR...expensive, exclusive, has way more power than I'll ever need, comes with a weird paint-job and it's Scandinavian.
I don't know what kind of car my penis is like, but someone did once write 'wash me' in the dirt on the side of it.
My penis is like a 1992 Volkswagon Golf. It doesn't have the zip it used to have, and it's a little smaller than you'd probably like it to be, but damned if the fucker won't get you to where you're going.
My penis is like my Supra - blown, and comes really fast.
My dick is like my Maxima. It needs serious brake work.
My penis is like a Peugeot 406 Turbo Diesel Estate. It's longer than average, it's red, there's plenty of trunk, and it runs for a long time on small amounts of fuel.
My penis is like my '75 Escort. It needs lots of coercion to start up, runs out of juice after just a few minutes of hard use and is rarely driven except under extraordinary circumstances.
My penis is like a 2006 Dodge Ram 3500 with a Cummins powered diesel. Massive and slow to respond. Bank financing means I'll never own it for the life of the loan (Read: Divorce).
My penis is like my '72 Maverick, old, beaten (repeatedly so), worn and for some reason mustard colored. A little too quick sometimes but has a surprising amount of power. Unfortunately just like my Maverick it has very low mileage for it's age.
My penis is like a VW Polo : Brazilian, kind of weird looking, but it grows on you, gets great mileage and is more than enough to satisfy all but the most demanding customer. Also kind of new on the marketplace and hasn't really caught on.
I'd say a Saturn. Nothing fancy and no one will notice me for it, but it gets the job done and lasts a while. Also, it has dent-proof panels and high customer satisfaction.
My penis is like my '92 Volvo 940 Turbo: Blocky, red, and a hell of a lot more powerful than it looks. Also, an essential part breaks and has to be replaced every month like clockwork.
My penis is like a matchbox car. Even the camp counselors used to play with it!
My vagina is like a mint condition '67 Corvette; lots of people want it because it's sleek, stylish, and fast, but they run in terror when they see the price.
My cock is like a VW Corrado G60, it blows right after it's serviced.
My penis is like the old volvo estate, ugly, misshapen and used almost exclusively by jews.
My penis is like any car on Pimp My Ride: It has a fin, a popcorn maker, and underneath the shiny new coat of paint, it's the same piece of shit it always was.
My penis is a lot like a Segway. It's extremely unpopular, and most people would be ashamed to ride it.
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.