joke_explainer

"There's no law that says a dog can't sign the constitution!" -Benjamin Franklin

google THIS

(the elves look on in horror as tim allen's mangled corpse vanishes and bud crawls into his suit)

bernard: (voice quavering) there's no clause that says a dog can't be santa

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN

*air bud humping things in a diner*
Middle aged lady: "I'll have what he's having."

alnilam

burly lumberjack: "hey can someone bring me a chainsaw?"

a jack russel terrier, wearing a cute flannel dog sweater: *barks, runs over wagging tail carrying a chainsaw in his mouth*

foreman 1 (the mean one): grrr that dog!! *scowls*

foreman 2 (the nice one): hey now there's no rule says a dog can't fell trees

burly lumberback: Tiimmbeeerrrr!

jack russel terrier: bark bark bark! *wags tail*

Tree falls, and as it hits the ground the title appears carved beautifully into its bark: Most Valuable Lumber-Jack (Summer 2017, straight to dvd)

social vegan

Spicy Billy has a bad track record in the Beyblade circuit of 2017. He can barely tell the difference between a defensive ring and a PHONE RING *sproing oing oing oing*.

But this summer, he's gonna take the fart of love, life, and fun, and Let it Rrrrrip!!!

*Spicy Billy rips his sick blade into a plastic bowl in Handsy Tommy's driveway while his brother and stepdad Daniel overlook. The blades clash and Spicy Billy's beyblade shatters in half. Spicy Billy picks up the remnants in his cupped hands camera cuts*

*It is the evening at the beach and Billy is still walking and crying but it's raining and dark a sombre scene to be sure, he collapses in the sand in the wake of realization that his beyblade championship dreams will never be realized. His hand twitches and he looks down, a small hermit crab is perched on his finger*

Billy: H-hey there little buddy, thanks for the hello but I don't think you can help me...

*the hermit crab tumbles off of billy's hand, landing upside in the sand, the peak of its shell stuck in the sand. Billy laughs before freezing, he reaches out and slowly spins the upside down crab. He gasps. He unlaces one of his shoes, wrapping the lace around the hermit crab's shell and well, I think the rest is gonna be history*

MVP Most Valuable Paguroidea 23: Every Now and then I Get a Little Bit Shellfish

Plebian Parasite

The powerful Air Bud lobby keeping dog regulating legislation out of the House.

joke_explainer

Air Bud, in high-power business suit: "Arf! Arf!"

Frank Underwood, rubbing temples "But the people are calling for common sense legislation, Bud. We can't keep all these loopholes, especially when you're putting so many hard-working Americans out of a job."

Air Bud: "Grrr....grrr...." *bares teeth*

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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