Nobody gave BaconBits any helpful feedback regarding the squalorous life he described in his original post, but once they realized he was really going to eat dog food, the bright-idea bunch started writhing out of the woodwork!
Well I hope he decides to buy the high grade dog food with real meat instead of the shitty off brand.
Note: Make him eat the shitty off brand.
GachechiladzeBe sure to wink knowingly at the clerk and gesture to your empty stomach as they ring your single can of dog food up at checkout.
Make sure you buy the kind for aging dogs because in Dog Years you are ancient.
How much Beneful should the OP have to eat? Obviously he wouldn't get the proper nutritional content from only eating a few pieces, but with a low-grade food such as Beneful, you don't want to over-eat either. Personally I believe he should use the calculator based on a scientific study published by a respected veterinary research institute here.
The OP can figure out for himself what his ideal weight is, and judge his activity level. Obviously he's not a Working Dog, so that leaves Typical, Active, Overweight, or Highly Active.
One of the features of a challenge such as this one is that other SA Goons are welcome to complete BaconBits' task before he gets a chance; the first to do so has the right to decide his punishment. Starter Wiggin showed interest:
If we can get the rules locked down, I'll try. Our dog food smells like literal ass (as I'm sure it is), but I think I can do it cereal-style. If I use under a dollar worth of milk and food combined, does that qualify?
Pon de Bundy
Dude if you eat dog food on camera, I don't think but the most spergiest of goons would get mad about the rules.
Well, that was all the reassurance Starter Wiggin needed!
Here are the Goon responses to this video, which differ from the YouTube comments in that they're not fucking gross!
The sounds. Oh god the sounds.
I couldn't make it past 2 minutes The ante has been upped, but at what price glory?
Starter Wiggin, you are an inspiration to us all... somehow? I think?
UPDATE: Starter Wiggin survived!
I'm alive, and my coat is glossier than ever! No noticeable ill side effects beyond I couldn't even think about cereal for breakfast. It was very crunchy, like chewing stale, dehydrated croutons, hence the swallowing whole halfway through. Godspeed OP and fellow challengers!
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.