These are from Frisco, Colorado (near Keystone, Arapahoe, Copper mountains) and I get to pass the A&W every time I go over there to ski. They're usually more interesting, sometimes they're more fire & brimstoney, but I like how the message is never important enough to replace the cheese curds/cheese fries advertisement.
I saw a picture of one that read:
DON'T LET YOUR
WORRIES KILL YOU
LET THE CHURCH HELP
I'm not sure they thought that one through quite enough.
When I was visiting my dad in Florida I saw this on a church sign.
"Avoid truth decay. Brush up on your Bible."
It sounds suspiciously like something from the Colbert Report.
I'm actually the guy who puts the messages on the sign for my church, and every two months or so, some old person or rural person puts a giant list of horrendously tacky or dense potential messages in my small mailbox. All of them have certain "rural"/dense characteristics, like mentioning "blue collar"/unfunny humor, or Wal-Mart.
However, someone came up to me this morning, with the brilliant idea that any new messages should be abbreviated, like it's a middle schooler's text message. As in GOD IS HERE 4 U. WHERE R U AT? Needless to say, it got promptly rejected.
Also, GOD'S LAST NAME IS NOT DAMNIT will be going up on the sign next week, no matter how many people complain.
"Want to get into heaven? Inquire within."
This was in Mobile, AL. I'm assuming when you go inside to ask about heaven, they just shoot you.
I really wanted to know what the sermon was about.
Hallelujah, we're out of time, and it's a miracle that you're still reading. Thanks to you for sacrificing your soul, and to the forum goons for getting active and sharing their experiences. Spend the next seven days praying for Jesus to wash you clean of the evil found in this article, then join me next Tuesday for another sin-packed instalment of the Comedy Goldmine!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.