Compasses point north because of a giant deposit of magnetic iron in Canada.
Kugyou no Tenshi
"Rape is always a crime of power. This is proven fact; the man is not sexually aroused and does not ejaculate."
This was from my 10th grade English teacher. I still can't remember why this was even brought up; it's possible there was an accusation of rape in a book we were reading or something. When we asked her how that could be true if girls have gotten pregnant from rape, she tried to say that there's some vague, unspoken difference between real rape and the legal definition of rape, and that the legal definition includes "non-consensual sex" which isn't rape.
My 8th grade health teacher did a karaoke day on the last day of class where he sang stuff for us. He was actually a pretty good singer, and we'd already finished our finals, so it wasn't too bad. The dumb part was when a bunch of us asked him to sing "Hotel California", and he responded with the tried-and-true "That song is about the Church of Satan performing human sacrifices and glorifies it. I will not sing a song that glorifies the dark lord Satan."
"If women ruled the world, there would be no wars."
My grade 10 science teacher told the class that because there is no air in space, a spaceship can keep increasing in speed and eventually go faster than the speed of light.
I was 16 at the time and I wanted to scream at him but I bit my tongue.
My science teacher in 5th grade tried to convince the class that Canada isn't an actual country.
Despite the fact that I was born there and had a Canadian passport, she wasn't budging.
My 8th grade algebra teacher thought that you could divide by zero. I had to show her otherwise using a calculator.
During the first week of class, my geography professor told us, in complete seriousness, that Japanese business men all wear cowboy outfits to work.
It was pretty hard to take anything in that class seriously after that. Christ, that was a long semester.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.