Tweety's End, inspired by Looney Tunes, written by NGLTweety bird scurried around the corner with Sylvester in hot pursuit. Unbeknownst to Tweety, Sylvester had been ordering from the Acme catalog. His Tweety Trap sat waiting to be triggered. The tripwire triggered the mechanical box to fall and restrain Tweety. For the first time in history, the Acme product actually worked. Tweety looked through the Plexiglas window as Sylvester calmly sauntered over to him."Looks like I finally caught you, thtupid bird."With that, Sylvester bound Tweety's little wings together and stuffed a ball-gag into his mouth. Unable to protest, Tweety watched in morbid anticipation. This is what it had come down to, he thought. This is the culmination of my life. He closed his eyes as Sylvester roughly brought his small body up to his mouth.Then something happened that Tweety did not expect. He felt Sylvester's sandpapery tongue start to gently lick his asshole. The sensation was altogether new to Tweety, and he quite enjoyed it. Sylvester continued to lick, and he gently eased one of his claws into Tweety's tight ass. With a quick flick of the toe, Sylvester's claw tore through Tweety's colon, making room for what was to come. Tweety tried to scream, but the gag muffled his agony. He looked down and saw Sylvester's pink tool, glistening with pre-cum.Tweety was unable to protest as Sylvester roughly spread his ass cheeks. Sylvester's cock tore through Tweety like a bullet through a sponge. Tweety's digestive tract was demolished as Sylvester pounded his cathood over and over again. Sylvester's throbbing pink rocket impaled Tweety repeatedly; its head starting to bulge out of Tweety's mouth, knocking the gag free.Tweety tried to scream for help, but he couldn't, because he noticed that his vocal chords were oozing like jelly between Sylvester's toes.Sylvester nearly tore Tweety apart at the seams as his thrusting became more and more rapid. Tweety could feel Sylvester's cock pulsating through him, and suddenly his hot white cum started shooting out of Tweety's mouth.When he was finished, Sylvester tossed Tweety back into his cage and slammed the door. Tweety's last few agonizing hours were spent lying on the floor in a pool of blood, guts, pulverized bone, excrement, and cat cum.When the Cat's Away..., inspired by David the Gnome, written by Tuxedo Gin.PART ILisa was worried. Surely David and Swift should have returned by now! The meal she had prepared had long since gone cold. "Hopefully nothing has gone wrong!" thought Lisa as she gazed fondly at the pictures of her beloved husband on the wall. She couldn't help but think what a handsome gnome David was in his youth. Lisa felt a familiar tingle between her legs."David is a great gnome and a good doctor, but we haven't had sex in years," reflected Lisa as she rubbed her palm against the front of her bright blue gnome skirt. "He's always off saving some animal. Nobody has time for an old gnome woman anymore!"Lisa was getting more and more frustrated. Years of pent up sexual angst were surfacing. She felt like she was about to boil over. The gnome woman was on the floor now, her long skirt bunched up around her waist. Her fingers were like little stocky sausages rubbing furiously at her pussy through her thick panties. "This is useless!" screamed Lisa as she tore off the obstructing barrier, exposing her hot gurgling gnome pussy to the cold November air.Her hands were a blur now. She had one hand between her legs, fingering her clit. The other hand had snaked up and unbuttoned her blouse, letting her sweet old gnome tits hang free. Lisa kneaded her flesh like a batch of bread dough, moving first from the left tit, and then to the right. A puddle of her fluid was forming on the floor under her. There was no going back now.This still wasn't enough for the insatiable old gnome slut, though. In a fit she knocked off her pointy blue gnome cap and moved into a crouching position. Lisa aimed the point of the hat at her steaming hot gnome box and dropped onto it, putting all her weight onto the point of the cap. A stuttering moan escaped her lips as the blue cap penetrated her body. "This is more like it!" she thought. Lisa missed this feeling. She forgot what it was like to having something fill her pussy to the brim. She was in gnome heaven. The old woman moved up and down, slow at first but once her body was used to it she took off at a rapid pace. She fingered her clit as she fucked the long phallic hat, her sagging tits bouncing up and down in rhythm with her motions. A stream of boiling hot pussy juice ran down the hat and formed a lake on the floor by her feet. "Oh my... OH MY... OH OH OH DAVID!!!!!"She bounced furiously, but as she rose up the hat came out of her, and she missed. Lisa let out a yelp of surprise as she sat back down on the pointy cap, only to have it slip into her tight anus instead of her dripping pussy. At this point, she didn't care. The gnome juices on the cap served to lubricate it, and she was hotter than she'd ever been in her life. She moved up and down on the cap, her ass expanding to take such a long hard object. Lisa always wanted to try anal sex but David was so conservative he would only fuck her missionary. This was a new feeling for her, and she loved it! The pointy cap moved in and out of her tight ass canal, bringing her to orgasm.Lisa fingered her hole like her life depended on it. She stuffed three fingers into her pussy, and her other hand manipulated her clit until she couldn't take it anymore. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she screamed. Lisa was so full of raw animal lust that only the most primitive sounds could escape her lips as she came. She put all her weight down, forcing her pointy blue cap all the way into her ass. Her hands were covered in her juices from her hot pussy. Lisa screamed one last time and collapsed into a heap on the ground in a puddle of her own cum and shit juices.She lay there for several minutes, recovering from the experience. "Oh dear," she said to herself, "what a mess I've made." Lisa kneeled first, and then stood up and began to mop the floor and do the laundry. "I better get this cleaned up before David gets home!" She looked in wonder and giggled as she cleaned. Despite her age, she now knew, she still had the sexual fire that she always did. "From now on, I'll never have a boring moment when David is gone!"To Be Continued...
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.