Aladdin Gets His Wish, inspired by Aladdin, written by BizZ.Aladdin wipes the sweat from his brow and says to his monkey companion, "Whew, that fireball almost got us that time, lets keep adventuring until we find a genie in a bottle."His monkey companion, Chinky, flips in agreement. The two pals continue to venture until they find this Oriental rug. They get on the rug and it whisks them away to a bottle."Could this be the bottle we have been searching for, Chinky?"Chinky, unresponsive to Aladdin’s question, begins to masturbate to calm himself down. Often times, little chimps when they become nervous, they masturbate. This helps calm their nerves. Because Chinky almost got killed by a fireball he must do this.Aladdin rubs the bottle and out pops Robin Williams."Oh my," says Robin, "you must be my new master. This is great." Robin then disappears and reappears but this time he is dressed in a waiter’s outfit with a pen and pad in hand. "Now sir, I must take your 3 wishes, do you want to hear today's special?""Uh, that’s okay," Says Aladdin, "I think that I am ready to order.""So be it!"Aladdin thinks for a moment and then starts speaking. "My first wish is that I could be constantly horny. My second wish is that I can do whatever I want in my sex life and not get AIDS and die. My third wish is that I am a woman."This brings a grin to Robin's face and says "Your will must be done sir! But I must mention that when I grant a wish it becomes twisted so these may not be what you expect!"Aladdin smiles, "Twisted like my sexual fantasies."Flashes of light occur everywhere and suddenly Aladdin becomes sleepy. He collapses to the ground only to later awaken in an alley way. Slowly his memory returns and he dismisses it all as a crazy dream, a dismissal which he soon discovers to be a mistake. He caresses his chest only to find two, somewhat large breasts."Mmmmm," He moans.His hair is a long luxurious black now and he runs his hands through it. He remembers his other wish which was to be horny all the time and almost regrets making it. He knows he will be out of control. But he cannot help to be excited, for one of his greatest fantasies as a male was to experience the multiple orgasms of a woman."Oh God I am going to be such a dirty whore," Says Aladdin.Aladdin quickly moves his hand down between his legs expecting to find a Vagina. Instead he finds his cock still intact."No! This cannot be!"He rises to his knees but his legs are week from horniness. He finds a towel in the garbage in the alley and stumbles out to the daylight. Standing in front of him are 4, very large, very endowed, African American men. Their impressively large cocks begin to become even more impressively large as they turn Aladdin around and throw him to the ground.He lands on his knees and yells, "No! I am a guy! What are you doing!?"One Afro American replies, "Not with those tits you aren't!"Aladdin’s towel falls off and he finds that his anus is self lubricating itself, already anticipating what is to come. His cock begins to pour forth semen and he has an orgasm. The men laugh."What a dirty whore you are Aladdin. Now we will infect you with the AIDS virus."Aladdin smiles, knowing that he is impervious to such disease. He lays his head sideways on the ground on top of his arms, arches his back, and points his moist ass into the air."I am a virgin but I want you to fuck me so hard. I want to feel your dicks deep inside of me. I want to feel them in my stomach. I want you to jizz inside of me and I want to crap the jizz out onto my hand and then eat the jizz. Then, after I am covered in semen and sweat and AIDS I want you to piss all over me and clean me off."The African American men fulfill Aladdin’s request only instead of peeing on him, after each one of them ejaculate into Aladdin’s ass they proceed to urinate in it.Aladdin yelps, "I am so fucking full with semen and urine! It hurts, it is going to escape!"Aladdin quickly lies on his back and lifts his legs into the air. He brings his knees over his face so his cock is now hanging down in front of him. He begins to release the urine and semen all over himself. All over his new tits, into his hair, into his mouth. He then beings to ejaculate again into his eyes.Now, blinded and weak with orgasm, he stumbles back out into the street. He feels himself being picked up and thrown into a limo. He still cannot see but he can feel a sharp prick in his arm. He soon falls asleep.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.