A new beginning (part 1), inspired by Jackie Chan Adventures, written by turtle_07It had been exactly a month since the demons had been sealed up. Exactly a month of life as usual, a month of casual routine, and most importantly, a month of intense boredom for Jade.Jade roamed her room restlessly before eventually flopping down on her bed and letting out a long scream."God! Why can't anything interesting happen? This place is so boring without any demons to fight or talismans to rescue. Why can't something interesting happen?""Hey Jade" Jackie stuck his head into the room, "is everything Ok, I heard you scream""Everything’s fine Jackie... I’m just so bored""Oh... well try to keep it down, uncle is researching a new artifact"Jade was interested "What is it?""Well..." said Jackie "He thinks that it's something that could rip open holes into other dimensions. If all goes well we might be able to find cures to diseases and uncover ancient secrets if we could find it and figure out how to work it""Sounds exciting! When do you think he'll-"At just that time uncle rushed into the room "Jackie! Pack your bags; uncle is going to the ant artic!""Can I come" whined Jade"No, it's too dangerous, you stay here with Torou" answered Jackie"But... please...""No! You must stay here and stay out of trouble""Fine... but you better tell me all about your adventure when you get back""It won't be much of an adventure, but if it'll get you to stay here, ok"In another minute Jackie was out the door and Jade was sneaking behind him."Sucker" she muttered under her breathJackie and Jade entered Jackie’s bedroom. As soon as Jackie began packing and turned his head away, Jade hopped into his bag and buried herself in his clothes.Content with his clothing selection Jackie zipped up the bag and headed down to meet uncle and go to the airport---------------------------------It was only during the flight that they discovered Jade hidden in Jackie’s bag, but by then it was too late to do anything so they all just hunkered down and waited to reach the ant artic------------------------------"Are you sure it's around here uncle? We've been trudging through the snow for three hours""Uncle is very sure... I detect a great chi signature nearby... its right in front of us!"Jackie, Jade, and Uncle all stopped in front of a giant snowy monolith."Uncle must check his notes... you both wait here" And with that Uncle began setting up his tent and looking over his notes."Guess we'll be waiting for a while huh Jackie?""You shouldn't even be here Jade... what if you get hurt?""You said yourself that it wouldn't be anything like an adventure. You can wait here I’m going to go explore"And with that Jade ran off"Explore... but there's nothing around here but snow... unless... JADE NO, STOP"Not turning around but still answering "Stop what Jackie""Don't go near the monolith! It's very powerful magic""Don't worry I wooonWOAAAHHHHH" And with that Jade slipped and lost her balance, hurting ling toward the monolith. The moment she touched it she was encompassed by a blinding green light and was gone"Uncle! Come quick! Jade is gone!" Cried Jackie"Hold on! Uncle must do research to get Jade back!"-------------------------When Jade came to she was surrounded by Demons... specifically the demons that she had helped lock away"Well well" came a voice from the crowd "look who we have here""You're going to help us break out""I'll never help you demons!""You won't have a choice... sister""Sister... what? I don't understand" jade asked quizzically"You'll understand all in good time, we've had time to plot our revenge and our escape... and wouldn't you know it the key just showed up" and with that all the demons began chantingJade was surrounded by an unholy black aura, screaming as it seemed to consume her and possess her."What kind will she be?" Asked one demon"I don't know... but she'll be one of us so it won't matter" answered anotherSlowly the screams stopped and the black aura fadedAs the light faded there stood a 21 year old Jade. Beautiful and sexy. She stared down out her long sharpened nails. Here now mature body and her sensual figure. She felt her tongue move across her teeth feeling the sharpened canines. She felt a slight tingling but wasn't sure what it was. She had never felt the sensation before. Slowly, as if by instinct alone she rubbed her hand on her breasts feeling the same tingle that she felt before multiply a thousand fold. Pleasure beyond her wildest dreams. Whatever she felt about the demons before was forgotten, she would enjoy being a demon."Greetings sister" came a call from all directions"How do you think you'll enjoy being the Demon of Pleasure?"End Part 1
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.