Epic Hamcat

Anything but country and rap. Anything but country and rap. anything but country and rap. ANYTHING but country and rap. Anything except country and rap ANYTHING BUT COUNtRY AND RAP. anything but country or rap. Not rap or country anything but country and rap ANYTHING BUT COUNTRY OR RAP Everything except country and rap.Country or rapAnything but country or rap. Everything thats not country or rap

  • It isnt country or rap

anything EXCEPT country and rap. Anything but country and rap. Anything but country and rap. anything but country and rap. ANYTHING but country and rap. Anything except country and rap ANYTHING BUT COUNtRY AND RAP. anything


Cool Buff Man

Wayne Static


animal drums

1. Kanye West - He may not be a lyrical genius, but his attitude towards haters is what really sells him apart for me. The haters want so bad for him to go off on them in one of his songs, but he just gives them shout outs, they HATE this.

2. Jay-Z - He's the best rapper, period. He may not be the best rapper alive, but his confidence in shutting down the haters I feel is truly something to be admired. He's not afraid to tell the haters about his success in the industry, pointing out their own failures by contrast. This may sound harsh but its exactly what they deserve imo.


I.N.R.I.

Iron and Wine - wow this band has it all. theres a song for every mood as long as youre sad, which i guess is just one mood but people are a little more complex than that, you can have grief sadness, looking out of the window at night sadness, and theres the vague but persistent feeling that a consortium of jewish master minds are working together to systematically break down the resolve of average citizen and exploit them for profit kind of sadness but they dont have any songs for that so ive learned to ignore it and now Im employee of the month in my department

Korn - I post in fyad

Disturbed - I post in fyad

Tool - I post in fyad

megadeth - everyone says that metallica are the best heavy metal band of all time but whatever, theyre a little too mainstream, they sell too many towels and ash trays instead of learning to play theire instruments which is why their guitar solos dont have enough notes. but whatever, i dont really care about metallica, maybe if theyd kept dave mustaine instead of firing him then Id care a little more

WET BUTT

lots of problems with this list..first of all, corn, tool, iron, and wine are just things you can buy at the grocery store. next, his name is dave mustache

I.N.R.I.

metallica - I went to a megadeth concert and between songs dave mustane told me personally to stop bullying 14 year old kids in theh mosh pit or whatever? well imo everyone is equal on the battle field. obiovusly he was just pissed off because i look a bit like kirk hammett and metallica fired dave for being too bad at guitar and hired kirk instead, whatever, metallica is #1 and dave mustache is butt hurt and vexed


Some Other Guy

while the mighty mighty bosstones might be past the heyday or their college years, they still perform with energy and vigor. their old songs about violence in boston/skanking in boston are even more relevant today, while their later work about skanking and violence worldwide remain timeless


-B l a z e i n g-

Soulfly - Incredible shit. Rocked my ear drumbs as a middle schooler with those riffs for sure. And as an adult, I can finally appreciate Max C's messages.

tool_ All I gotta say is, if you wanna mosh, you're at the wrong venue brother. Go to the corner bar cover band show for that bullshit. If you want an intellectually stimulating convo, or to just stand in there in awe during the entirety of Parabol+Parabola, then you have found a temporary home in your town's amphitheatre -- As I like to call tooL shows my living room down the road. Or to just go back and forth like, "I fucking love these guys. They're all I listen to man," it's just like, where have I had this conversatien before? That's right: in FYAD.


Haoma

1. Luciano Pavarotti

Wow, folks. Talk about talent! What enormously fat Black men are to selling drugs and rhyming things with "trigger", this guy is to Nessun Dorma. And get this: he ate tons of pasta and drank a red wine before he sung all of his concert arias about being a poor street vendor in love with a prostitute but in italian. He also didn't molest one single child over the course of his career which was filled with tons of great songs. Good.

2. Glenn Gould

Here is an autistic piano guy who really "gets" us. I'd like to think if he was alive, he would be doing something like playing a piano real fast.

3. Erik Satie

Talk about eccentic! This guy had a bowl hat on all the time and when I was in colledge I took an ounce of weed into my room and some acid and listened to the entirety of Vexations on my computer speakers using the Winamp program. IT took me like 15 minutes to make 844 copies of the song in the playlist and then 22 hours to listen o it. I writhed around on the floor real nice and almost killed myself several times but here I am today, better off for it. I live with my Mom and have to wash her when shes too filthy because she is schizophrenic.

4. Aphex Twin

In 2005, my apartment was so cold and I put Rhubarb on repeat and cried all night long with a gun in my mouth. Selected Ambient Works vol. 2 is the closest thing to God and literally saved me from blowing my own gay face off. Some people call it repetitive.. I call those people Jewish assholes.

5. Camille

LOve the way this hot french babe goes "YUH UMMMA" like 5 times into a mic and it repeats for a while and then she goes "UFF UFF. ZIGGA" and before long you have a mother fucking symphony of ownage on your hand and she is singing in french about a palace and kisses. Sick.


Bodybuilding Virgin 420

*in effeminate voice* Dude, I love trap music. Give me an iPad 4 full of trap albums and I'll be a happy camper. Totally gets me in the mood to write out some p epic Marxist tumblr posts and call out misgonyistic asshats

– FYAD (@wettbutt)

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.