I'm running out of SPACE for all my THINGS #firstworldproblems

The Xhosa Nostra

burst from my fathers head fully grown and armed with sword and shield #firstworldproblems


no one likes heavy metal about wizards anymore #firstworldproblems


my pyramid head tattoo is fading #firstworldproblems


someone out there is dying for a sip of the water from the gallon im using to shoot my turd out of the building #firstworldplumbing


ahhh fuck I accidentally KO'd Mewtwo now I gotta start all over #firstworldproblems


If you've ever cleared the lint screen you probably touched someone else's pubic hair in the process #firstworldproblems


ugh my top tier university got generic lucky charms today #harvardproblems


some days i think i will never meet a curvey goonette to settle down with and spend the rest of our days watching naruto and smoking weed while collecting guns #fwp


I'm lying in bed and the pillow gets hot and I have to flip the pillow over to the cold side. #firstworldproblems

duck monster

Sparky's gone nuts violating the first law of Robotics! #firstworldproblems

Nazi Zombies!

The recycling machine won't accept this one glass bottle. #firstworldproblems


i got drunk as hell and fucked a fat chick #fwp

Dr. Waffles

Why do I have to pass that homeless veteran everytime I go get a latte, its so awkward. #firstworldproblems

duck monster

Under these trying economic conditions I just can't get the synergies right to integrate our marketing strategies with the new Business 2.0 priorities laid out by our agile focus group! #fwp

Why is Charles from accounts waving a shotgun around the office, frothing at the mouth and shouting about the antichrist! Why is mary bleeding. Oh god! #fwp

With this shotgun I am become the lords vengance. With the words of the prophet ringing down the ages thus do I bring these judgements. #fwp

MRI chalk

i kayokened vegeta and sprained my wrist and now when i crack it little kayokens come shooting out of my fingernails during dinner. i broke the turtle #gokuworldproblems

duck monster

plane hit the building now I'm plunging to my death! #firstworldproblems

– Chris "Petey" Peterson

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.