Back in High School, while on a class trip to Italy, one of the guys was hitting on a local chick. He was doing well, until he used the word "bello" (instead of "bella"). She slapped him and walked away. Never call an Italian girl handsome.
Last year, I was an exchange student in Germany. My mother called me once when we were sitting outside and eating dinner. My host dad went in to get the phone, and when I came out, he was chatting in English with my mom. "Yes, we're all sitting outside eating mice..."
He meant corn, of course...Mais = corn.
When I was about 16 years old, I was starting to learn English. I went to an English band's concert, and I ended up meeting them. We chatted a lot and I wanted to get their autograph. Instead of saying "can you give me your autograph?", I asked "can I give you my autograph?"
They laughed a lot.
Back in high school French, we had to pair off and interview your partner, then relate their day back to the class in French. A friend of mine interviewed a girl, and promptly reported to the class "She likes to play with her cat".
But used the feminine for cat, which is slang for pussy. Was pretty enjoyable to watch our fairly attractive French teacher start snickering over something like that.
I can't speak French for shit and was browsing this French market when I accidentally stood on a little dog's paw. It barks at me which makes me squeal which makes the lady who's dog it was give me a total 'What the fuck' look. So I'm all flustered and I'm like "Oh pardon."
Then I say "Aww, pardon petit cheval!" to the dog, mixing up my animals completely and quickly hurry off to find my parents. Leaving the French lady to ponder why that girl just said, "forgive me small horse!" to her dog.
Classic pick up lines for the sleazebag who tends to overthink things.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.