The world is a complex, scary place. What can you do to survive? I'll tell you - hands off that pecker. Thanks to BYOB for showing me the light.

"been noticing a whole lot of stuff since I stopped touching my genitals"

cda

theres an arrow in the FedEx logo

posting smiling

my guitar instructor couldn't believe my improvement recently.

vanisher

stopped touching my genitals and I noticed i've actually been living in a wolf den and have been raised by wolves since birth

cda

me (pecker in palm): I'm going to drive my car on the parkway until I reach my house, where I will park it in the driveway

me (three months since pud-touch): women think my medal is sexy, the medal Merriam Webster gave me for fixing the English language

little munchkin

a bunch of my peers wearing backwards baseball caps and t-shirts with emojis and the word "swag" printed on them: come jack off with us

me: no thanks I am going to write some poetry instead

joke_explainer

i use to be an ineffectual craigslister always requesting shady j/o seshs, now that I've put a stop to that i've become a powerful craigslist scammer

cda

now that ive stopped touching my genitals, i've realized that there are four other senses, so my next goal is to stop smelling, tasting, seeing, and hearing them

vanisher

I've touched things other than my genitals for the first time today.

Like a blind person being granted sight, the experience was at first shocking. I cut my hands on knives as I tried to grab them like I did my genitals. I touched my face for the first time, groping at open holes and feeling the strange texture of the hair on my head, so unlike my previous experience.

free Trapt CD

yesterday i reread 'flowers for algernon', this time with two hands. and you know what i noticed? not really sexy, not at all. and that's not all i noticed. and then i thought, "you can, too." welcome to my new self-help book, 'boners for algernon'

cda

i'm tryign to imagine how perceptive i'lll be once i stop looking at my genitals but the only thing i can currently imagine is my genitals.

Lizard Wizard

now hear me out

what if we all just went with a buddy system and touched each other's genitals?

Scroon

The world is too bright, loud, and scary. Some days I just feel like retreating to the comfort of touching my genitals and shut the whole world out

Manifisto

since i stopped constantly touching my junk I have come to the somewhat shocknig realization that I have two arms and hands to interact with the world

like I can hold something in one hand and manipulate it with the other

freakin bananas man, I have finally cracked the mystery

Ultra Spoot

Me on stage about to perform at a comedy club: "Oh don't worry about me being not funny, you see, I've stopped touching my genitals, allowing me to notice a whole lot more stuff than a normal genital toucher."

*audience laughs uncomfortably*

FutonForensic

my distant wife: why won't you make love to me anymore

me: the clouds in Super Mario Bros. are the same as the bushes

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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