Goofus finishes first and wants to watch TV while they do it.
Gallant does the exact same thing because our misogynist culture doesn't value women's sexual needs #YesAllSexGuys
Secrets to being a good sex guy
The first secret of being a good sex guy is: There is no secret. Just be a good sex guy.
The second secret of being a good sex guy is: There is no secret. I told you that.
The third secret of being a good sex guy is: If you're still reading, congratulations, you weren't fooled. There is a secret to being a good sex guy which i discovered years ago. The secret is to never read to the end of things, because the end is where you end up getting owned by me, the good sex guy. I will never reveal my secret.
Blaxploitation hero Sexual Jones, a character appearing in more than 35 different films from 1973-1986, is often described in the films as a "bad sex guy." However, the audience is then informed that the characters in the film "can dig it." In this way, Jones can be defined as both a "good sex guy" and a "bad sex guy," a dichotomy that Dr. Cornel West calls "the paradox of black sexuality in white society."
Sex is like pizza: when it's bad, i won't have it, and when it's good, i do
sex is like pizza: the enjoyability of a pineapple topping depends entirely on the other ingredients
she beckons me to come to bed, her sultry eyes and naked from enticing me, i approach with one hand held behind my back. as i near her i reveal my hidden surprise, a pineapple. her breath quickens and her eyes dilate as she reaches beneath her pillow, her shaking hands fumbling with an unseen object. my heart stops, fear gripping me as i wait for the reveal, wondering if we are truly compatible.... her hands slowly pull something from the dark, it glistens in the faint light, i can breath again, happiness sweeps over me, its a honey ham.
good sex guy: me when becky and i were happy in those halcyon days of yesteryear
bad sex guy: that arrogant asshole with perfect hair that becky is with now
There are good Sex-men, like Cyclops, and bad ones, like Wolverine, but they can still work together.
bad sex guy: learns sex moves at dojo run by mean ex-special forces guy
good sex guy: learns sex moves one-on-one as personal slave of maverick retired sex expert, who teaches unusual long-shot technique that is pivotal in winning the love interest's heart at . . . the . . . uh, sex competition?
Deep into the thick of the Sex World Championships Steve lands the dismount. The crowd goes wild. A single tear runs down his face as the judges hold up their cards. 10 they all say. Finally, Steve is a good sex guy.
Draped in a American flag, Steve stands atop the podium. He is flanked by a disappointed Finn and weeping Hungarian. They despair in their inferior medals. Steve has claimed the gold. Finally America has a true champion. Steve the most good sex guy in the world. Gold Medalist Freestyle Gay Division. A national hero.
Was it good for you ma'am? Of course it was, because when it cones to sex...im as good as it gets. *fans and spins penis around hand in a flourish before holsterring it with a tip of my hat*
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.