the overprotective parents: hold back tears as you ride your scooter up and down the street in full view of the cool kids
the ollie be named oliver
Trick and Treat: Eat a snack while riding your board
pushing mongo: pushing with your front foot instead of your back foot. so what if everyone says it's bad to do? it's comfortable.
the pebble walk
walk around the parking lot/skate park/driveway and complain about how many pebbles there are, and how if you had a broom you would totally skate here but you're not going to risk going down because of some stupid pebble
the double manual
balance on all four wheels of the skateboard at the same time while standing on it
The Graduate: Deal with an existential crisis by experiencing a searing sexual awakening with a second-hand skateboard before ultimately settling for a lifetime of bland rides on a scooter.
The Overnighter : leave your skateboard in the driveway so your dad runs it over in the morning and then he has to buy you a new one. Repeat every year until 35.
This is Stupid: Half-heartedly attempt an ollie while thinking that it defies the laws of physics that the board would ever come up with you, then never pick up a skateboard again.
Titanic: Cut your board in half and throw it in the sea
Crooked Cop: Grab the tail with your front hand while your back foot is boned.
Regular Cop: Confiscate a kid's board and practice your ollie behind the police station.
I used to skate: never skate
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.