Say Nothing

I think I took too much creatine.

Tussin Grimace

I'm the chubby middle-aged guy who is there every day but mostly to socialize. I'll mainly do some low resistance biking and then talk to other people for hours. I'm really distracting and I very likely make anyone I talk to uncomfortable but everyone is too nice to tell me to fuck off out of the ymca.


I'm the loveable fat guy sweating too much that wants to shake everyone's hand


*spends 30 minutes in locker room getting dressed, underwear and pants finally put on at 29 minute mark*


I'm the obese middle aged man standing naked in the middle of the locker room. I think I'll just stand here a while longer.


Don't mind me, just an old naked man in the locker room. Takes me a while to get dressed.

Wicker Man

I'm the hot, beautifully toned and shapely chick in spandex focusing super-hard on everything I do while having headphones blaring.

Away all Goats

when i go to the gym i make sure to talk to all the people with headphones on

Wicker Man

I am actively ignoring this guy while staring really hard at the calorie counter.


I'm the guy in his late twenties that painfully realizes these 17 year olds nearby could handily destroy him if they felt the urge.


im that gym in San Diego with the escalators up a 6-foot set of stairs

Vitamin P

im the guy that sweated so much his glasses fell off and got all embarassed then this big dude picked them up for me and said good effort mate

serious norman

im not fat but incredibly weak and swettty

im the guy who doesnt wipe and lifts the minimum weight on all machines

Legin Noslen

Im the guy that goes to the shooting range instead because guns are deadlier than muscles or heart disease.


I'm the guy who reads this thread and is scared off from entering a gym forever

Thanks to Waroduce for this theme, and to the GBS 2.1 ppl (they also invented that abbreviation)!

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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