I run inside to search for my family, and don't find anything in any of the rooms except for the living room at the back of the house. Calling out the names of my family, I get no responses, so I rush the the back room to see if they're even there. They're there, alright. Dead and horribly mutilated. Blood is everywhere. They look like they were clawed to death by some sort of animal. There are bloody claw marks all over the walls. Written in blood over the TV are the words "We'll find you next."...
So I would get up, and open the wooden door and look outside, onto a small grassy hill, where some wolves were crouched over something, but then their ears perk up and they ALL LOOK in my direction with their glowing reflective eyes, all at once. I would then slam the door shut and then sit down again, hoping they'd just go back to what they were doing. Then, childish curiosity would overcome me and I'd crack open the door again to see if they went back to eating but instead, I had opened up as they were all madly bounding twards my, with their glowing eyes and practically tripping over themselves to get to me...
I remember a vivid dream about a banshee-like girl who's mouth would just expand and she would let out an earth shattering scream, and if you didn't block your ears, the noise would cause your blood to boil, and crack your skin...
I slowly reached my hand for the upper part of the shower curtain to pull it aside. I only saw a portion of the head (more than half of it I guess) because the curtains blocked the rest of it. The eyes had extremely small irises, its head sprouted sparse and scraggly hair. Its mouth displayed abnormally large and long blood-stained teeth, set in an angular and equally long jaw. It was as if it was stuck in a never-ending smile, but its body language suggested a semi-catatonic state. The body was eerily emaciated and shirtless. It just stood there, staring at me.
A man in a dark room. This guy is wrapped head to toe, leaving nothing showing and no slack, in dirty bandages. He is also on fire, but his bandages show no signs of igniting. He's just standing there with is back turned in a strong posture; looking behind him at me...
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.