Check out the Something Awful forums to read the saga in full.
For reasons I will not be getting into, my dick has become lodged inside of the VCR. I know when I'm beat, so I'm open to outside assistance and suggestions. If you can't help me out without prying into my personal life, please move along as to avoid wasting both of our time.
I've been in your shoes. Stay calm. What tools if any are near you, and is the VCR able to be unplugged?
The unit is free hanging. I have access to a ball peen hammer and an eyeglass repair kit. Destruction of the VCR is unacceptable due to the rarity of its contents (which will not be disclosed), as well as the moderate sentimental value of the device its self.
Free hanging... that's good. That ball peen hammer might come in handy later.
If you turn on some monster trucks the sheer strength and rigidity of the erection that forms will force you free, but may damage any tape(s) or the machine itself. You can go the other direction and read some poetry. Your manhood should shrivel up enough so that you will just slide right out. Let me know if this fixes your problem
tune your TV to channel 3. press REWIND on your VCR and let it run for 30 seconds. press eject and squirt in some head cleaner fluid (which is isopropyl alcohol with a 10x markup). then press PLAY and count out a full rotation ("one Mississip" to "ten Mississip"). put your TV's volume to 10 and look at the screen. if you see your dick on it, then congratulations! Your RECORD function is functioning functionally!
it's one of the normal, not embarassing reasons that someone would get their dick stuck in a vcr. i won't tell you which one though
congratulations you are now married to the vcr, i wish you both health and happiness
better give the loose vcr cassette to your old wife, its her husband now
"How did you get your dick stuck in the VCR" is basically the same question as "why did you get your dick stuck in the VCR," so I shan't be answering it, but for your information, the reason I was using a VCR rather than streaming is that Netflix's selection leaves much to be desired.
Hey op, professional EMT here, and I just want to say there's no need to be so embarassed about getting your dick stuck in a VCR. We've all been there. Hell, how do you think us professionals got so good at removing them in the first place.
While initially, just the head of my dick was trapped, I awoke to find that this infernal machine has devoured about 3/4 of my shaft. Sleep was difficult, I had to run an extension cord from the den to my bedroom. The wife was... unimpressed. Interesting how she's so quick to forget her own incident with the Pearl Jam cassette.
My member is caught in such a way that the base of my rod is turgid, but the rest is stuck in perpetual half-chub. I attempted some tinkering with the screwdriver from the eyeglass repair kit, but as it seemed I was making progress, I foolishly dropped the screwdriver inside the VCR.
Will update more when I get home from work.
It's only natural to wonder about how my penis became lodged in this VCR player, but you need to restrain yourself. If civilization means anything, it means that we suppress our animal impulses for knowing why people's dicks are in various places and instead uphold a sense of decorum which is the underpinning of civil society. Try hitting "fast forward" on the remote and see if that does anything.
victorian society had quite a strict code against asking why people's members got stuck in vcrs. in fact it was generally frowned upon to even mention the topic in the presence of someone suffering from such a predicament; one was expected to act as though nothing had happened.
Got no time for haters people who expect me to do emotional labor for free and people who ask me why my dick is stuck in the VCR
nakedly waiting while a teenage Best Buy employee googles "VCR"
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
Sea of Thieves: Reduced the number of quest types from 3 to 2
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.