"boys, lookit that! the new guy got himself a pickup truck!"
you twitch in surprise in the mocking tone and look out the window of your f250 to see a parking lot full of rusty priuses with mudding tires and rusty spikes on fenders
"what kinda mileage are you getting with that, huh? you ain't even gonna get to dry skull flats on half a tank in that!"
"i-i'll just find a gas station on the way, yeah?"
thundering laughter makes you cower in the pickup with shame a bit
"yeah, right, what do you think the world is, a playground? ain't no stations left! you better get with the program or get outta here, grandpa"
dejected you fire up the beast, belching a cloud of tuned diesel smoke and triggering further laughter. you pull your tattered flat-brim cap over your eyes to hide your tears of shame
anyway, that's why I don't go to 'stin anymore. bunch of hipsters if you ask me *takes hit off entrail flavored vape*
When it's the end of the world and your soul is being weighed against a feather and you realize you were leaning against the scale the whole time
For whatever reason at least 6 nuclear missles ended up unexploded in your back yard. The bad news is it's on your property so you'll most likely have to make sure it gets cleaned up.
When you're eating the last bit your friend's corpse and the only edible part left is the dick and balls
A trumpet is blowing from the East signaling Judgement Day and a Jehovah's Witness is knocking on your front door
you lay down on the bed with your beloved wife so that when the bomb drops you'll both turn into eternally embracing skeletons but then you do a huge sneeze right as you get skeletonized and now you look like a fucking idiot forever
When you realize everyone is staring at you as the shadow of the asteroid darkens the sky because your t-shirt says "the Asteroid is bullshit!"
when u meet a mutant woman scavenging for food and u notice she has a bulbous stomach tumor only after u asked her when the baby's due
When you break your glasses and start screaming about how there was time now but then you remember you have an extra pair.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.