TWIST FIST

there are 15 questions. the first question, for $100 is:

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.
Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.
The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"
"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

Matoi Ryuko

That question is so difficult I no longer want to be a millionaire.

Heartbroken 2Twice

regis: ok kevin, it's all happening. now for the $500000 question: you're missing your son's recital right now. what kind of recital is it?
a: piano recital
b: clarinet recital
c: ballet recital
d: baseball recital
kevin: uh, i'd like to call his mother
regis: ...well, we tried, kevin, but she said she wasn't sure you were friends even before the divorce

Piso Mojado

the show is cancelled now because once when Regis asksed "Who wants to be a millionaire" a person just yelled out "It's me! The answer is ME! I wanna be a millionaire!". thus exposing a gaping loophole in the show's premise.

TWIST FIST

me: im going to use my lifeline to phone a friend

regis: okay who are you going to call

me: im going to call my friend ben from middle school

me: hahaha look at me now ben. you always picked on me in middle school but guess what: im going to be rich. haha looks like i was the more successful one in the end. bet you wish you didnt bully me now huh

ben: uh great. thats really cool. can i hang up now i need to vacuum my house

me: wait ben, whats the capital of norway

Heartbroken 2Twice

guy who won everything on 'millionaire': *picks up phone* hello?
kidnapper: listen very carefully. we're not fucking around this time. tell us where the money is or your daughter bites it
guy: hmmm. well, regis, i'd like to phone a friend
kidnapper: ...i'm sorry?
guy: my lifeline. phone a friend
kidnapper: ...i'll put her on i guess?
daughter: daddy help i don't know where we are but i could swear i heard a rare native species of bir --
guy: now honey i know you're excited and it's a big moment, but gee, i just don't know how to answer this one. what do you think?
daughter: what
guy: where's the money? c'mon, we've only got... 10 seconds left.
daughter: daddy no this isn't --
guy: oh gosh! rats. time's up. what a stumper
kidnapper: the fuck, guy? tell us where the fucking money is
guy: gee regis. i just don't know! 'ask the audience'
kidnapper: jesus fuck! ...hey bryce, come over here and tell him we're not fucking around
bryce: we said no names, jayden! no naaaaaames!
jayden: fuck! FUCK! look, we'll do this your way: a. you tell us where the money is, b. we shoot and kill your daughter. what is your final answer?
guy: (heavy breathing)
jayden: WELL?
guy: ...50/50, regis!
*sound of gunfire*


– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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