Not as much a stupid comment, but extremely rude. I get this a lot: I'm helping a customer, and I get stopped by like five people who believe that their questions of "HAY DO YOU HAVE ANY WIIS IN STOCK" or "WHERE ARE YOUR USED GAMES" are so important they cannot wait fifteen seconds for me to complete my sale and help them undistracted.
Perhaps my most retarded customer of all time came in at about 8:10 at night when I was selling tickets from the box office. Generally at our cinema the movie sessions go in between 6:30 and 7:30, then there is a break for about an hour while those sessions are playing and the next sessions start up between 8:30 and 9:30. As you can imagine, there are almost no customers whatsoever which gives us time to clean up/prepare for the next group of customers as well as having our dinner breaks etc. etc. The foyer is completely empty when, on security camera from the office I see a woman and her husband walk up to the ticket counter. Keep in mind that this is 8:10 at night, between our session groupings.
I went out the front and did the usual:
Hi there, is there anything I can help you with?
What time's 'Robot Army Death Squads Of Doom' on? (I don't know I just made up the title)
Umm, the last session started at about 6:40 and unfortunately there's not another one showing until 9:15 tonight.
What? Why aren't there any other sessions?
Um, I'm not entirely sure that's just how they do their programming.
Well I'm here now and I don't want to wait around another hour to see it.
Oh, well unfortunately there's not too much we can do about it.
Can't you just put the movie on early for me?
Um... No, not really, because we've got our set session times.
Well there's no one else here to see movies so I don't see why you can't.
But... there's no one else here at the moment because they're waiting to come see the movie at the advertised time of 9:15
Well that's just not good enough, I want to speak with your manager.
I'm unable to hold back a smirk at this point, I just can't understand how retarded this person truly is.
Are you completely serious? You actually want me to get the manager over this?
Well yes, because you're obviously not being much help are you?
Well you realise the manager's going to tell you exactly what I've just told you?
Listen, just go get the manager for me.
As luck would have it, the manager walked past the door at this point and the customer starts calling out for his attention.
Uh, hi? Is there a problem?
Well yes actually, the movie isn't on until 9:15 and I want to watch it now, because otherwise that session will finish too late.
Uh, I'm not sure I understand what it is you want for me to do about this.
Well can't you just put it on early it's not like there's any other people here at the moment.
*starts laughing in the customer's face* Uhh no, the session is advertised at 9:15 and regardless, the previous session is still running so there's absolutely no way that can happen.
Well then, I obviously won't be seeing a movie tonight will I?
Fifteen minutes later they came back and bought a ticket. I love being overly enthusiastic to these type of customers.
I work at a Best Buy, so of course you get your fair share of weird questions from the technology ignorant.
The best question by far has got to be:
"If I load more songs on my IPOD, will it get heavier?"
A classic: some woman - why does it always have to be women? - brought up four six packs of flavored water. They were priced accordingly: 2 for $4, 2 for $4, 2 for $4...and 2 for $.99. An observant individual would have noticed that all of the individual bottles of water were priced 2 for $.99. But of course, they're customers, so they're allowed to not do such prehistoric things as reading.
So I was called over for a price check, and I relayed this information. "They're 2 for $4. The single bottles are 2 for $.99."
So she employed the standard customer gambit: "Well it's marked 2 for $.99. Don't you have to give it to me for that price?"
Naturally, I said no.
She wasn't done yet. The following quote is 100 percent authentic: "Isn't there a law that says you have to give it to me for that price?"
Cue laughter. "No..."
"Well, I'm going to go find out!"
She never did come back.
Dumb lady (puts bag on counter): "I want to return this."
Zotmaster (opens bag): "A plunger? Why?"
Dumb lady: "It doesn't work."
This is easily the stupidest thing I've ever heard anyone say, in any scenario.
I suspect this is true in any retail store with an Express (ie, X items or less, no checks) line: no matter how many signs you put up saying that you can't write a check, or can't have so many items, people get in line there anyway. Well, I noticed a lady in that line with her checkbook out, so I figured I'd save her a minute or two.
Zotmaster: "Ma'am, this line is Express. No checks."
Lady (condescending look): "Since when was a check not considered cash?"
Congratulations! You're retarded!
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This is the crown jewel of my erotic lamp collection, and a must-have for any serious pleasure lamp collector.
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.