Did anyone ever call your dick drawing skills into question
Did a customer ever want the naughty bits redone for quality reasons
How into having the most perfectly drawn genitalia were your customers
Bronies were usually the worst for it- I'm real good at drawing human dicks, and less so at drawing horse cocks. it was a little bit of a learning curve because I didn't really wanna look at references of horse cocks for too long. most of the furries I worked with were understanding when I explained this and were just like "okay cool just draw a normal boner but with weird colors/lots fo cum" but bronies were usually fucking awful to work with and would loudly complain on forums and the like, thus decreasing my sales if I didn't meet their specifications.
What is the absolute simplest, least detailed commission you ever got. Like, to the point where you have to go and ask them because they don't give you enough details to work with.
Hahaha, sorry, my bad.
So, the no-detail requests happen a lot more often than you'd think. I'd usually have to ask for constant clarification on things. Did they have a normal dick, or a dog dick? Who was on top? did they want it in my style, or another style? did they want a background? did they want speech bubbles? did they want them to have hairstyles, or just fur? It was honestly infuriating dealing with these people. It was... hmmm. The closest thing I can think of is like trying to have sex with someone that insists that yes, they want sex, but they literally don't react to anything you do and get annoyed when you stop. Or you do something and then afterwards they're like "hey you should already know I don't like that thing, despite me never telling you that. it should be obvious."
eventually I came up with a basic form to fill out for people like that.
the humor and erotica ones were my favorite, because I think there should be the ability to laugh when it comes to sex. it's weird, your bodies are doing weird things, sometimes somebody farts on accident- there should be room for laughter and joy. so I always enjoyed the commissions where it was obvious that the person involved didn't take themselves or their fetish too seriously. I had one where this guy wanted me to do a transformation comic- only instead of ending in sex it ended with the person transformed into a boring object- a pen- by accident and being vaguely annoyed that they'd fucked up. It was more of a funny thing than anything, and as a bonus I got to make a ton of "ball-point pen" jokes. I love puns.
On a less gross note, and kind of not specifically fetish-related, what is the etiquette of commissioning a character who i don't have previous art/reference of? Should I expect to pay more? How detailed of a description would you want (obviously, less than the average furry will vomit on you, but)?
No, you wouldn't expect to pay more. I'd email you a set of questions to answer, like "what is their skin/fur color, what is their hair color, what do they identify as, what are their genitals like, what color is their hair (if they have hair)..." basically, I'd give you the basic minimum things I'd need, and you could fill in with more detail. It's about the same way I run my normal commissions, only I tend not to ask what their genitals are like for clean art.
Vincent Van Goatse
Did you ever get requests for fetish porn that was self-deprecating? I mean did someone ask you for something like a superheroine juggling uterus fish while saying something like "I can't believe you'd ask me to do this!" or something of that nature.
I suppose a more broad question might be "did you ever have people try to get you to shame them for their fetishes?"
Ohhhh man. yeah, being shamed is a huge thing that got requested a lot. I was okay with drawing the objects of their fetishes shaming them, because whatever. I did not participate, no matter how much they tried. And they did try. A lot. I used to be a lot angrier as a person, and it did come across even when I was being polite or casual, I guess. My older friends described it as a "fuck you" vibe. I was just kinda angry in general, and that was like a goddamn lamp to the gross shame fetish moths. They tried all the time to get me to say "that's weird, that's a weird fetish and you should feel bad" or call them disgusting for having those urges, or just for having sexual urges of any kind. I already wrote about the dude that would send me videos of him fucking himself with dildos while begging me to step on him/punch him/choke him/degrade him for having sexual thoughts. It was very weird.
Honestly, if y'all don't mind creepy sad dudes whackin' it to you, get you a webcam and just make fun of them for money. I know a couple of ladies that make absolute bank doing it.
there's a weird fascination with furries when it comes to unnatural colors in their fursonas, most notably in soft tissues. A lot of neon colors, a lot of rainbows, what have you. Most of y'all have probably seen a sparkledog, or at least heard of them. So usually this isn't a huge problem, except when it came to what I like to call the Color Clusterfuck. So I check my email and find a new commission request- this person wants a cum commission with their fursona- as they descirbed it, they just wanted their fursona with cum all over their belly/crotch from having just jerked it. Okay, whatever, sounds easy. I accept and send them an email asking for specifics for their fursona. Usually, people will send me picture references they've either made or commissioned from someone else unwilling to do porn, or just describe it in general. Like, usually it'd be like "she's a white rabbit with neon blue mouth/pussy and she likes to wear goth clothes and has pink eyes" or whatever. Instead, I receive a 2,000 word (not an exaggeration) email detailing their fursona. It was a tiger/leopard cross, but all their markings were neon rainbows- and they were all incredibly specific on where and in what order they went. The red/yellow neon gradient stripe could not be above the red/yellow neon leopard spots, and they had to go in a gradient from top to bottom, and their paw pads were a round gradient of these SPECIFIC colors (I think it was sea foam and orange, iirc).
Like, jesus, this dude was so specific. There was like a whole paragraph on the cock alone, because of course that too had a super specific set of colors in a certain order. I spent so fucking long on that commission alone that I ended up charging him twice as much for time involved because it was the same level of work in the end as the comics that some people would commission. he grumbled, but I said he wasn't gonna get the commission unless he paid me what I asked for it and I guess I was the only one willing to take it on, because he did. So I got 800$ of tasty tasty commission money, and he got his Color Clusterfuck.
The cum was normal.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
We were able to recently sit down and interview the men's rights icon, Jordan Peterson, in this exclusive interview.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.