Comedy Goldmine themes can get pretty high-concept, but this week, the SA Goons promise simple pleasures and deliver. First, NESguerilla seeks advice about a sink-hogging cat; the solution is inevitable and endearing. Next, forums inventor/provocateur BaconBits makes a thread just to boast about his rug. To be fair, it's a cool rug.
My roommate's weird-looking cat has recently decided that the bathroom sink is a really cool place to hang for most of its existence.
This is what I am greeted with 90% of the time I have to take a piss/shit/shower for the last two weeks. It's especially inconvenient when I want to wash my hands, which is luckily not very often.
I'm not a terrible person who wants to do any harm to one of Lord Jesus' creatures, but I have to admit I'm constantly fighting the urge to turn the sink on full blast, because it seems like it would be awesome and frankly I am sick of having a little white turd occupying my wash space. Is it fucked up if I just turn the sink on? Cause I really want to.
Here is a dramatic recreation of what I think would happen if I turned the sink on achieved through cat yawning:
Not that bad right?
TLDR: Is is fucked up if I spray the cat with water even if it's blatantly asking for it?
It's only unethical if you don't film it.
I would wash my face in that cat. In its furry belly.
Look at that face. He/She looks like a scowling old man that doesn't think you have the guts to do it.
Lol I just tried to go in there to film it, but she can sense when my camera is on her and she jumped out. Wilford Brimley cat will be hosed accordingly and filmed the next time she won't get out of the sink.
Clearly you need to put together a Steadicam rig and set it up as one continuous shot from the living room to the bathroom.
Bonus points for playing Tony Bennett's "Rags to Riches" or something else upbeat. Get all Scorsese with this shit.
All right dudes. Hold onto your butts because you are about to see the most exciting thing ever posted on Youtube.
Is the world ready for Staind By Me, St@nd By e-Me, and Crank 3: Stand By Me?
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.