At this point, Goons suggest webassaince auteur solarspawn might need professional supervision. His response:
"Oh, for cryin' out loud, kids. How old are you? Let go of the balloons and float back to earth. To begin with, I am easy enough to find right here in public ... literally outdoors everyday through the tourist season. I am camped out even during the most severe storms as a demonstration of the ability of my mobile work centers. The police check on me regularly to make sure I am not hassled in any way."
FAT WORM OF ERROR: "For some strange reason, I don't think that's why they check up on you."
Perhaps it would be innocuous in other contexts, but this image (which solarspawn uses to greet visitors to his "Dewway" site) has come under the suspicion of the Goons, due to his ... online eccentricities. His response: "Hey, they are naked because pixies."
Is he weird, is he white? Yes, to both! Is solarspawn done saying words that begin with "p"? Not even close!
"I do work with Parkinsons patients who were once jewelers, but the output is more along the lines of the INTERGALACTIC PIMP CANE and THE TIME MACHINE. It is highly precisioned.
"I am not here but a few moments a day. Frankly, it has become an interesting study. I have left in any real sense of participating. It is more poking the Petri with a pip at this point."
If your eyes didn't cross due to all the alliteration, you might have noticed a strange phrase in there. Let's elaborate!
Feeling inspired, Atma creates his own solarspawn-style masterpiece. Perhaps this is the "input" he wanted!
Or not! solarspawn: "You are confusing the frame with the art, stupid one. The websites are the frames. If you wish to discuss my art there are examples on the websites. A good example would be INTERGALACTIC PIMPCANE / TIME MACHINE. Frankly, the only advise I can give you is, if you cannot discern between frame and art, give it all up."
DNA: "A good example would be INTERGALACTIC PIMPCANE / TIME MACHINE." I'm sorry, I just can't read this in a serious tone.
SlightButSteady: "You fail to communicate. All you can do here is type out words - and you fail to do that effectively. But you're a fool who will continue posting..."
solarspawn: "Communicate? Communicate what? You are a great pool of talent and I wish to spure you to great things? I don't think so. You are a pool of bass and I seek one for my mantle? Not likely now is it? I am waiting for tech support on a Sunday here by the river and you are a carp in a trapped pool? Ah... that does sound more like it, now doesn't it."
Hmm, I think that pretty much does it, then. Anything else you'd like us to know about you before you go, solarspawn?
"By the way ... I am a sculpter and master jeweler (certified).
Sokoban: "Shine on you crazy diamond."
'All kinds are welcome as long as kind': The official slogan of the Something Awful Forums
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.