One day, Jerri called in sick. She couldn't tell anyone about the 3-Musketeers bar that Red ate everyday because she didn't want to get into any trouble. She kept mum about it. The office sent in a substitute keeper named Kathy from the Children's Zoo to perform the kitchen duties.
So Kathy goes walking up the hill to the Primate House, walks into the kitchen and there waiting for her was Red, sitting on the prep table. She had been warned about Red being there, so that was no shock. What he did next though, was.
He patently sat there on the table watching Kathy perform her duties. She'd walk this way and that, and every time she walked by Red, he'd reach out for her. She thought he was being friendly. She didn't know that he had a major sugar jones going on.
After a little bit of this, Red decided to take a more aggressive approach. He went for her purse. Since he was familiar with Jerri keeping the 3-Musketeers in her purse, he figured the same applied to Kathy. He bounded off the table and across the room to the bench where her purse sat. Before Kathy could react, he was going through it. Ironically, Kathy had a Snickers bar in her bag. Red grabbed it and hopped back up on the table. Kathy took it from him, and watched as he sat there looking at her. She had no clue what was going on. She laughed and went to put it back in her purse and Red jumped at her. She stood back away from the table and Red jumped down on the floor. As she held the candy bar above his head, he was jumping straight up in the air, trying to get it from her.
Master is troll wizard, so's if he get angry he might cast spell up on my self and bite off my whole head in one chomp.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Kirk Cameron destroys the internet with his rage and jacks it to boats, hallelujah!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.