My father got one of these for my girlfriend.
A fucking Stair Stepper. A cheap ass one at that.
Thanks dad, for the gift that made the woman I love question her figure for a whole year. Asshole.
Really, mom and dad? What made you think I would want a gym membership? When have you ever known me to go to the gym? Do you know me at all?
One year my aunt (who is a rich and terrible bitch and looks down on my parents and me for being poor and has openly said so) bought me a Christian self-help book. Fuck you bitch. That's like the most passive aggressive thing ever.
Really sis? I wouldn't instantly realize your gift of CS Lewis books and the promise of a future book "that's very similar, a little more challenging but a lot more rewarding" is an invitation down jesus lane? /r/atheism is going to fhave a field day.
I got a book called Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance, by Tony Dungy. It's a book for young Christian men, and it's all about how to live your life with the principals set forth by GOD AND FOOTBALL. I am not Christian, nor am I a man. I have never shown any interest in football. This was a gift from my grandparents. It is used (not that I have anything against used books, but it is filled with questionable stains), and a slap in the face. I had a breakdown and dropped out of college this year. Thanks, Grampa!
For comparison, my mother got a Nook from them; my sister got designer clothes.
A religious pamphlet? Clever move, dying Grandma, but let's see how you like it when I stand up next to your hospital bed wearing my V for Vendetta mask while you slowly expire.
Every year without fail, my Grandma gets me a toothbrush and toothpaste. This would be fine except the fact that my other siblings get money, and clothes, and other neat stuff. She and I have been at it since she found out I don't go to church, or really worship at all. So year after year I get my toothbrush/toothpaste.
When I try to clear the ball, run into me at a thousand miles per hour, sending me flying halfway across the map. If the ball is coming down in front of the opposing goal and I'm in position to tap it in, run into me at a thousand miles per hour. Never stop slamming into me at a thousand miles per hour, unless you can slam into me even faster.
eSports are getting more attention, but these new non-nerd spectators have no idea what's going happening. Help them understand how and why you've decided to waste your life with these simple approaches.
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