Arrest that ass!
I spent about a week of evenings after work dabbing and watching Farming Simulator 2015 realism let's plays on YouTube.
9/11 smoke out/DMT-athon inability to communicate with Taco Bell drive-thru employee. We got our food after a long-winded attempts to describe the food qualitatively without actually saying the name
about 7 years ago I was hanging out with some friends, and a couple of them took acid and ecstasy together. we wanted to go on a burn cruise, so we got in the car (no one tripping drove) picked up a couple more friends and packed the car with 6 idiots. we get pulled over, they smell the weed, one idiot in the back leaves a bag on the floor in plain sight, and we get taken to holding. one of my friends who is tripping out was taking police academy courses to join the force, and his teacher was one of the arresting officers. so he's freaking the fuck out, he's asked to empty his pockets onto the floor in the processing area. he has a little cat toy mouse in his pocket that I guess he was fucking around with before we left. he doesn't have a cat, i don't know why he had it. the officers see the toy mouse and start making fun of him. they asked if he had a cat or something. "no, sir". i started laughing my ass off because my poor friend is sitting on the floor being grilled by cops about a cat toy. so they decide to make an example of him, and shove him into the holding cell. and started slamming the door repeatedly. i can only imagine how horrifying that must've been. they were screaming "THIS IS THE SOUND OF YOUR LIFE CLOSING DOORS".
it was pretty shitty. they never found out my friends were tripping as if it'd make any difference at that point. the police academy kid had to drop out.
A few months back I was on acid with a friend and there was a Guy Fieri marathon on TV that we couldn't figure out how to turn off and watching him cram oozing food into his face was one of the worst trip moments possible
1.on a speed binge running around my house shirtless ducking under windows because i thought everyone was out to kill me. for example, i would see my next door neighboor with a rifle aiming at me no matter what window i looked at. worst part is i went outside at one point before my roomate dragged me back in but i'm sure people saw. he never looked at me the same again.
2. convincing myself that i had a worm living near my dick feeding off the veins slowing killing it. both my parents witness this.
3. thinking my house was being filmed as a reality tv show and trying to act out what i thought sideline crew were saying
all these were on ampehtamines after days of binging
i snorted unidentified research chemicals referred to as "synthetic mescaline" off a chick's tits, right before me and my buddy turned her into a chinese fingertrap
i kept falling into her skin, which had things that looked like the filings in an etch-a-sketch, or basalt pillars, coming out of it. the stuff was very mellow and tended to make the air look like there were heat waves everywhere.
she was really fucked up on it too and said something to the extent of "i wish high school was like this" during the three way
i tried to kickflip over my homies corgi while high on meth and accidentally stomped the truck of the skateboard into the dogs head. the dog lived but i got banned from the kids house and had to apologize and pay $40. in my defense the dog moved.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
"God of War is the realization of our collective hopes and dreams, not just as gamers, but as gamer-citizens."
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
Sea of Thieves: Reduced the number of quest types from 3 to 2
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.