I got drunk with a good friend of mine and decided that it would be a good idea to take my pants off. Then she dared me to show her my penis, so I did. She was joking.
also would like to nominate yet another occasion I was a party to:
We were at my friend Stew's house playing Magic the Gathering (probably, can't remember). My friend mark has always been a bit weird. Stew has a super soaker sitting on the floor, with no explanation why. I pick it up and start pumping it up. Stew isn't in the room, everybody else is like "shoot mark with it, it'll be cool!" Mark's acting tough like I'm going to shoot him with a real gun.
So I just spray his shirt with a really long blast from the super soaker. Immediately no one can see anything, all of our eyes are watering. Joe (really fat chinese kid) vomited up a burger he had just ate. It was great. Turns out the super soaker was filled with rancid vinegar. They used it to shoot squirrels.
So, mark takes his shirt off cuz it smells like ass and puts it outside to dry (should have burned it.). So we're sitting around at stew's house a few hours later, I think we're watching some crappy skinemax movie with a 3 minute sex scene. Stew is on the couch, Mark is sitting on the couch with a blanket over his legs, he was wearing shorts underneath so it was look like he just had the blanket on. They're kind of sharing the blanket. Stew is also wearing shorts.
Stew's girlfriend walks in and sees stew and mark underneath this giant blanket. It appears that mark is naked and stew is naked from the waist down. She just kind of stops to take in the situation. Rohit, always there to calm the situation down blurts out loudly "WE"RE WATCHING PORN." I luckily was sitting outside of the blanket.
She left and was crying. Stew had to run and calm her down.
7 years later it still comes up in conversation! Mark's still weird but probably our best poker player.
On two separate occasions, I've been snuggling with guys and said "mmmm You smell good. What kind of cologne do you wear?" The reply "It's not cologne, it's my deodorant." You'd think I'd learn to differentiate between deodorant and cologne by now.
Me at my most un-smooth happened last fall while out drinking with a group of friends and doesn't involve anyone of the opposite sex. We went to Subway after we left the bar, and we're standing in line waiting our turns. I was looped to the gills and having a bit of trouble standing upright, so I decided to lean on the garbage can that was behind me. The garbage can that had wheels on the bottom of it. So I put my weight on it and *whoosh* it rolled backwards and I landed flat on my arse in the middle of the crowded shop, with my legs up in the air. I was wearing a skirt, and exclaimed quite loudly "WELL DAMN! IT'S A GOOD THING I DECIDED TO WEAR UNDERWEAR TONIGHT!" then snorted and laughed like a...well, like a drunken idiot. My good friend (male) that I was with has never gone drinking with me since that night. He was more embarrassed than I was. I guess I was just too drunk to feel any shame.
I think my most Un-smooth moment was at a party three or four years ago.
I was talking this girl up at a party at my friend Matt’s apartment. Everything is going swimmingly. She is eating out of my hand so to speak, and no pants time is definitely only a matter of time.
My douche bag roommate comes out of nowhere.
"Hey Ev, I forgot to tell you your girlfriend left a message, I forgot to tell you today!"
I had no girlfriend at the time, this was him cock blocking me because he dug this chick too.
Me - "You know I don't have a girlfriend you jealous prick, I hope you get cancer and die!"
Him - Ha HA HA!
Her reaction to that was unsuspected, she immediately started to get visually upset and left to find the friend she came with. I found out later that night from a friend that she recently had lost her mother to lung cancer, and this was the first time she really went out after it happened. I can't express to you how fucking mortified I was. I felt like a piece of shit, and rightly so. I got her number from a friend of hers and I called and apologized profusely. In the end she forgave me, but I learned to watch my mouth a little better.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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