I'm sorry I like outer space so much. Please forgive the fact this is riddled with historical inaccuracies! For one thing, they were using shuttles by the 1980s and it was easier to lie about moon landings than it was to lie about the airdate of the season finale of M*A*S*H. The lengths I'll go for a bad joke...

I will be studying under the world famous Professor Neil Smith, learning all sorts of important life skills. I don't want you guys to worry, I won't be getting all high and mighty on you. But I most certainly will be more qualified to perform various tricks than most of you will be and that's a fact I'm not willing to be humble about.

Here is a copy of the class syllabus:

Word around the water cooler is that tender Frolixo has a rash on his right elbow that could easily spread. One wonders just what disturbing things old Frolixo was doing to get such a rash!

Livestock: I was just thinking about the sea being the master of logs
Livestock: if the sea is the master of logs, what does that make beavers?
Moof: beavers are the master of dams
Livestock: but dams are made of logs
Moof: maybe so
Moof: but they are in rivers
Livestock: how can they master something that is made up of something that is mastered by something else
Moof: the sea has no influence
Livestock: yes I know but the logs have to come from somewhere
Livestock: and if the sea masters the logs, how do the rivers get them?
Moof: the master of logs is not omnipotent
Livestock: oh I see
Moof: the sea distributes them
Moof: the sea is the distributor of logs
Livestock: so in the dominion of the sea, the sea masters logs, but outside its dominion it yields mastery to local and regional powers
Moof: yes exactly
Livestock: the life of the log is complicated
Livestock: to be a tree is just the beginning
Livestock: it's only after you forget your roots that you truly see the world

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff