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My Sincere Apologies

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 Update by Josh "Livestock" Boruff

I honestly don't know why I wrote today's update, but I'm pretty embarrassed about it. I had the phrase "This Man, His Corn" stuck in my head for about two weeks, and wanted to do something with it. That's how some of my funnier short stories came into being, and I haven't done anything like that in ages so I figured I'd give it another shot.

Along the way it ended up with a pointless M. Night Shyamalan twist, basically making it a story of corn invading an alien planet. Honestly, I'm an idiot. I hereby promise never to write a story about corn again.

Also, I apologize for forgetting to be funny (all these years).

Yours respectfully,

Josh Boruff

P.S. Have a great summer!!!

My Arizona Adventure with Tom "Moof" Davies

Late last month I went to Arizona and here is what me and Moof did:

• Went through the famous horse tunnel.
• Flew an Air Hog around a golf course in the middle of the night.
• Watched Prison Break.
• Went to Jerome, AZ to prospect for ideal hot dog stand locations should we go into business as hot dog vendors there.
• Went to the Grand Canyon where the deer have hooves that slice like swords.
• Ate at a Subway.
• Went to a meteor crater and watched a movie about meteor craters.
• Stayed in a cabin alongside the ashes of a dead dog named Wobegone.
• Brainstormed various viral memes soon to grace the Internet.
• Forgot to write down viral memes, preventing them from ever gracing the Internet.
• Very narrowly avoided killing each other.

The Great Duckburger Thought Experiment with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: I want to punch so many people in the world but my poor fists are not up to the task.
Moof: so weak...
Livestock: hey tom,

josh here just saw your message calling me weak and wanted to set the record straight: you are the weak one!!

cheers,

josh

Moof: hey josh,

looks like there was a little misunderstanding so i wanted to clear it up - you are the one who is weak.

thanks again,

tom

Livestock: tom,

about your last message. i guess you were probably drunk or feeling pretty insecure when you wrote it, because you're not usually such a rotten liar. i'll just disregard it and stand by my initial statement.

wishing you all the best in the coming years,

josh

Moof: hey josh this is tom, just w
Livestock: just what
Moof: i d
Livestock: ARGH
Livestock: type like a normal person
Moof: thought experiment: duckburgers
Livestock: not a good one ducks are a bad source of food
Moof: have you ever even eaten duck
Livestock: tom
Livestock: i'm offended you even had to ask
Livestock: the question is: have you eaten duck
Moof: yes of course
Moof: i have
Moof: many times
Livestock: what does duck taste like tom
Moof: kind of like dirty chicken
Moof: the meat is darker than chicken
Moof: and stringier
Moof: it's not that great
Livestock: so how is this going to make for good burgers
Moof: marketing
Livestock: people will see through your lies
Livestock: do you think you can really fool people
Livestock: honestly
Livestock: are you that delusional
Moof: josh the masses are easily fooled
Livestock: you can fool some people
Livestock: but not with burgers
Livestock: burgers are like the hot dogs of non-hot dog foods
Moof: burgers schmurgers
Livestock: tom as a string theorist i disagree

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff