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I cannot say for certain why I wrote today's update, it was just a dumb idea stuck in my head. I knew full well it would be a disaster, but that did not stop me. Should you choose to accept them, you have my apologies.
The Joke About the Beekeeper with Tom "Moof" Davies
Livestock: what did the beekeeper say to his annoying neighbor
Moof: buzz off
Livestock: "get off my property"
Moof: oh
Livestock: that is what
Moof: why
Livestock: because he is annoying
Moof: what does he do
Livestock: he is a postal worker
Moof: hmm
Moof: is the beekeeper worried that he wont get his mail now
Livestock: there is some concern
Livestock: since he is a small businessman
Livestock: but he has a p.o. box for business purposes
Moof: oh ok
Livestock: anyway it's just a joke tom
Moof: to you maybe
Moof: not to the beekeeper
Sharing the Moment with Tom "Moof" Davies
Livestock: tom
Livestock: stop
Livestock: don't say another word
Livestock: let's just share this moment
Livestock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd4j1Ms1VYE
Moof: gonna have to pause west wing
Moof: josh i am crying
Moof: this is the most beautiful moment of my life
Moof: sitting on my couch with the WW on pause and REO speedwagon on youtube on my macbook
Livestock: tom this is what it's all about buddy
Moof: josh i just smashed an empty beer bottle against the table and now i am watching myself bleed
Livestock: tom - stop
Livestock: it's time to bring this ship into the shore
Moof: josh i am taking so many pillls right now
Moof: JOSH I CAN FIGHT THIS FEALL
Livestock: listen tom that's not what i meant
Livestock: TOM STOP
Moof: EFELAING ANAY MFOE
Moof: I CANTAT STOP THISFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Livestock: what have i done
Livestock: WHAT HAVE I DONE
The Thing You Are Looking For with Tom "Moof" Davies
Livestock: tom what a time to be alive
Moof: yes
Livestock: tom i hope you find what you are looking for
Moof: an apple
Livestock: then i hope you find that apple, friend
Moof: i hope i do josh
Moof: what are you looking for
Livestock: a box of money
Moof: josh - i hope you find that thing
Livestock: tom how's that screenplay coming
Moof: josh got an issue with one of the character arcs
Livestock: tom recommend you use a fifteen act structure
Moof: as you know, by the second act he is totally transformed into a horse
Moof: and shortly after he is shot
Livestock: yes
Livestock: hmm
Moof: and buried
Moof: in the ground
Livestock: and you are wondering what to do for the third
Moof: not sure where to take it from there
Moof: exactly
Livestock: well tom
Livestock: there is always... resurrection
Moof: josh that would certainly fit the title "The Resurrection of the Horse"
Livestock: tom seems like the story of a man... who rides again
This Week on Something Awful...
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The Top Ten Albums of 2009...
Garbage Day
...in the soon-to-be-published opinions of other critics, most of whom are wrong.
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Improper Ganda!
Photoshop Phriday
Propaganda! Don't believe what you see, don't believe what you read.
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LEVI SAYS RELAX
Johnston Checks In
Levi Johnston responds to more of Sarah Palin's attacks as his alter ego, Ricky Hollywood.
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Burrito!! Doritos!! Fiesta!! Antipasto!!
AwfulVision
This week: a video so bad, not even Glenn Danzig can save it. Abandon all hope, ye who enter.

Something Awful has been mocking itself and the internet since 1999, bringing you reviews of the worst movies, video games, and websites to ever exist. If it's something and it's awful, it's probably on Something Awful, where the internet makes you stupid.