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Wednesday, May 7, 2008 Update by Josh "Livestock" Boruff

I feel obligated to apologize for today's update, as I often apologize for 90% of my writing. It was not my best work and I would write something entirely different had I had an entirely different idea and a time machine. DEAL WITH IT. Go read David's latest update if you want a good laugh.

What Barack Obama Should Do with Tom "Moof" Davies

Moof: josh if i was obama
Moof: and i won the general election
Moof: i would give mccain something because he is getting old
Moof: maybe a janitorial job at the white house
Moof: or something
Moof: some token of appreciation
Livestock: i would give him a lawn chair
Livestock: and have someone bring him lemonade
Moof: that is nice josh
Moof: that is really nice
Livestock: maybe bring him a broken lawnmower
Livestock: and say "hey john my lawnmower broke... don't suppose you could take a look at it?"
Livestock: and he would look at it and scratch his head
Livestock: and say "i think i've got some tools out in the shed."
Livestock: then he would take the lawnmower back to the shed
Livestock: work on it
Livestock: get it going again
Livestock: runs better than ever even
Livestock: then i'd mow the lawn
Livestock: you know so it has those nice alternating lines
Livestock: of green
Moof: josh
Moof: that is a beautiful dream
Livestock: then i'd take the lawnmower back to put it away
Livestock: call up john and say "i don't know what you did to that lawnmower, but she's never run so good in all her years!"
Livestock: but then a voice would respond
Livestock: and it wouldn't be john's voice
Livestock: it would be one of his kids
Moof: no
Livestock: and they would say "my dad passed away"
Moof: NO
Livestock: and i would feel really bad
Livestock: and i'd go sit out in the lawn
Livestock: and i would never use that lawnmower again
Livestock: just let the grass grow
Livestock: just let it grow
Moof: josh the lawnmower is a little piece of john
Moof: a little memory
Moof: don't neglect it josh
Moof: dont neglect his memory
Moof: dont throw it to the wind like so many autumn leaves
Livestock: maybe tom... maybe

Blogslamming with Tom "Moof" Davies

Moof: josh
Moof: an idea
Livestock: let's hear it tom
Moof: blogslam
Moof: we all get together at the coffee shop
Moof: and slam our latest blog posts
Livestock: tom i get uncomfortable blogging with other men
Moof: no you dont actually blog
Moof: you just recite
Livestock: oh i see what you mean
Livestock: i might wear my tight pants to that
Moof: yeah
Livestock: i got some new hair gel i want to try out anyway
Livestock: be a good place to do that
Moof: yeah bro

The Wizard of Shut Up with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: big treat to see a wizard
Moof: josh i wish i could see one every day of the week
Moof: but i cannot
Livestock: is your heart pure
Moof: yes i think so
Livestock: well you must be doing something wrong
Livestock: did you rub a magic rock this week
Moof: no i couldn't find one
Livestock: hmm well there's your problem right there
Moof: i didn't think it mattered that much
Livestock: i suspect you didn't ask a glowing bean for luck either
Moof: josh that is ridiculous
Moof: never heard such a thing in my life
Moof: what does luck have to do with wizards
Livestock: well i'll mention what you said just now to my friend (my friend is a wizard)
Moof: okay do it
Moof: i expect to see you ridiculed
Livestock: tom he said you are a fool
Livestock: for who else would make a rock magical but a wizard
Livestock: and who else would make a bean glow but a wizard
Livestock: do you see now
Livestock: the error
Livestock: the horrible error
Livestock: of your ways
Moof: josh none of this makes any sense at all
Livestock: you know what else doesn't make any sense????
Livestock: your face
Livestock: shut up you idiot
Moof: josh listen i think we need to discuss your anger issues

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff