Daily Dirt

Awful Articles

Oh, Hello There

Wednesday, November 14, 2007 Update by Josh "Livestock" Boruff

Hello there. I hope all is well.

I hope my SA REEL SERVICE update satisfied you adequately! They are fun to write and I honestly don't know what the hell they mean or are about.

I do not have much else to say other than I am the only one still updating this wonderful feature. Everyone else is a selfish jerk and I wish only negative things on them.

Here are some Moof chat logs because people always ask me for those!!

Hats of the Future with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: tom i want a hat made of metamaterials
Livestock: that cannot be seen
Moof: how will anyone know you are wearing a hat
Moof: how will anyone know you are hatting
Livestock: they won't, which means i can wear it indoors with impunity
Moof: :O
Moof: i want a hat made out of space
Livestock: you would probably suffocate or die of exposure or something
Moof: argh
Livestock: or your hair would float away
Livestock: because there is no gravity
Moof: argh no that would be awful
Livestock: well i mean there is gravity
Livestock: but not the same kind (space gravity)
Moof: josh i clearly have not thought this through
Moof: hey josh - sweet tats bro
Livestock: oh you mean my boba fett bong tattoo?? yeah thanks
Moof: hey np
Moof: some swell ink
Moof: it's some great work

This Cursed Boat of All Our Problems with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: tom we've gotta get a boat!!!
Moof: i know josh i know
Livestock: we're missing out on so many adventures
Moof: argh dont i know it!!
Livestock: if we had a boat we could go to islands and claim them as our own
Moof: correct
Livestock: find new continents, etc.
Moof: DONT YOU THINK I KNOW THAT JOSH
Moof: i have wanted a boat for so long...
Livestock: tom we could start a trade route
Moof: yes
Livestock: make good money moving wares across the seas
Livestock: all it would take is a boat
Moof: josh lets do it
Livestock: yep you get the boat, i'll name and drive it
Livestock: and captain it as well
Livestock: that will be my burden
Moof: okay
Moof: and we split the profits 50/50
Livestock: wait you are coming along
Livestock: i didn't realize that
Moof: yes
Moof: i know
Moof: i will just hang out
Moof: in my cabin
Moof: and on deck
Moof: taking care of the ladies
Livestock: tom i might ask you to stay behind
Livestock: while i take care of the boat business
Moof: josh
Moof: i have
Moof: to watch over
Moof: my investment
Livestock: tom why must you try to control everything
Moof: why must I???? why must you????
Livestock: i apologize
Livestock: let us place all our anger and hatred on this boat
Livestock: set it aflame
Livestock: and push it out to sea
Moof: set it adrift

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff