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HORSE TUNNELS

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 Update by Josh "Livestock" Boruff

A friend of mine recently saved an ad for the "Sovereign Spirits" statue for me, knowing full well that it would give me a huge erection. I was motivated after seeing it and many other things in the Bradford Exchange collection to write an update, which you probably just read. I can't think of any other company that produces such an abundance of mind-bendingly tasteless crap. It truly shocks me in some ways. If you're a fan of this kind of ultra-ridiculous art in a non-ironic way, please write to me and explain yourself and why you find this stuff appealing.

Bonus points go out to Lowtax, who I stole a few jokes from for this update.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006Moof: i see the hoses that live next to me walking around
Moof: giving people horse rides
Moof: they live right next to a golf course
Moof: and i see them riding around the outside of the golf course
Moof: maybe 15 or so of them all walking
Moof: and a lot of the time i see them on the opposite side of the road to my apartments
Moof: it is a 20mph speed limit road but it gets busy
Moof: and i always wondered how they cross the road
Moof: and today
Moof: i found
Moof: A HORSE TUNNEL
Moof: UNDER THE ROAD
Moof: THAT IS HOW THEY GET TO THE OTHER SIDE
Moof: A HORSE TUNNEL
Moof: DO YOU SEE
Livestock: A HORSE TUNNEL????
Moof: yes
Moof: under the road
Moof: more like a bridge maybe
Livestock: that is absurd!!!
Moof: i know
Moof: i know i know
Livestock: honestly that can't be true
Moof: i will take a photograph
Livestock: please by all means
Moof: i believe it is also how golf carts get across the road
Moof: but i am not 100% sure yet
Moof: also if that is the case i do not know which has right of way a golf cart or a horse

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Moof: i investigated the horse tunnel
Moof: it is smaller than i had thought
Moof: i am more and more worried about the horse and golf cart situation
Livestock: did you go through it??
Moof: no not yet
Livestock: do you worry that horses will get stuck inside it
Moof: well no unless too many try to go through at once
Livestock: do you think that might happen
Moof: but whenever i see them walking about they are in a long line
Moof: not side by side
Moof: well no i don't think that we should worry about that
Moof: not yet
Moof: whenever i see them walking about there are people on the horses
Moof: unless they are in their pen
Livestock: moof please keep me posted on any further developments with the horse tunnel
Moof: i will
Moof: i am still in the early stages of investigation
Moof: i am thinking about sneaking into the horse pen while they are sleeping
Moof: and attaching a camera to a horse
Moof: and maybe tip some horses too while i am there
Livestock: moof you cannot do that
Livestock: for when you tip the horse you cease to be investigating a mystery
Livestock: you become part of the mystery
Livestock: you become that which you want to solve
Livestock: and it will drive you mad
Livestock: i have seen it happen far too many times
Moof: do you know many people who have tipped horses
Livestock: yes, far too many
Moof: i had no idea
Livestock: now you understand me
Moof: yes

Monday, April 17, 2006

Moof: i am still planning on looking at the horse tunnel
Livestock: this is fascinating
Livestock: do you think you'll ever go through it
Moof: not on the first visit obviously
Moof: it is more like a bridge really
Moof: than a tunnel
Livestock: well
Livestock: okay
Moof: i am not certain though
Moof: i have been studying google maps to find its exact location
Moof: with the satellite view
Moof: i think i found it
Moof: the puzzle is i always see the horses walking on the golf course to the left of the road
Moof: and so i believe they have some kind of tunnel to cross the road
Livestock: horses on a golf course???
Moof: yes well on the edges
Livestock: what if you find something
Livestock: in the tunnel
Livestock: something terrible and ancient
Moof: that is something i have also considered
Moof: which is why i am planning on making my girlfriend go in first
Livestock: that is a wise decision
Moof: yes i think so

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff