I realize I spend in inordinate amount of time talking about dogs, St. Bernards mostly. The reasons for this are numerous, but largely deal with the fact that gigantic dogs are humorous. Some will tell you small dogs are more funny, but I say to them: there are no small dogs. Small dogs are, in my opinion, mislabeled cats. I exclude puppies, of course, because they are by circumstances of time and nature small, thankfully only temporarily. I also exclude pugs, because I think they are actually mythical creatures misclassified by inept scientists unwilling to admit the existence of magic and true wonder.

For the past year or two the St. Bernard has mesmerized me. I have been hypnotized thinking about their role as heroes in the Alps, taking life-saving alcohol to alcoholics lost in the mountains. The mere notion of a dog with a small barrel containing alcohol strapped to its neck wandering the mountains is rather absurd, but another great example of why history is often stranger than fiction, especially when it comes to the genre of dog rescue fiction.

Obviously I must thank my friend and fellow St. Bernard enthusiast Tom "Moof" Davies for help in preparing this update. Although Tom doesn't really write his own updates anymore, he is still the person I talk to about large dogs the most in my life, and his ideas and input were invaluable to the process of writing this update.

Recently I had a dream where I was talking to somebody about a particular genre of horror films, which, in my dream, was so saturated with films that it had become cliché. This entire genre was based on an antagonist driving somebody crazy by shearing off table and chair legs, tilting pictures at odd angles, and generally making everything in the victim's life unstable and wobbly. Was this a dream... OR A VISION OF THE FUTURE?

Moof: well i heard that there was a secret chord that david played and it pleased the lord :)
Livestock: do you believe in the lord
Moof: only the lord of my town it is a cat that sleeps in the mexican area :)
Moof: sometimes i drive past on the way to work it sleeps outside a store
Livestock: do you know the cat's name
Moof: nope
Livestock: i will tell you its name
Livestock: but you must never speak it aloud
Moof: okay what is it
Livestock: hector
Moof: oops i just spoke it accidentally
Moof: ACCIDENTALLY
Livestock: OH HECTOR
Livestock: do you know what you've done
Livestock: AHH YOU MADE ME DO IT
Moof: good hector no
Livestock: MOOF THERE IS CAT HAIR EVERYWHERE
Moof: AAAH'
Livestock: OH GOD A BALL OF CATS
Livestock: MY DOOR IS CLOGGED WITH A BALL OF CATS
Moof: there are flaming fur balls falling from the sky
Livestock: I CANNOT ESCAPE
Moof: aaggggb
Livestock: moof i have one bullet left in my gun, i must use it on myself!!
Livestock: oh god i just shot myself in the head and a cat came out of my gun
Moof: i will see you on the other side good friend i am taking as many of them with me as i can
Livestock: i shot myself with a cat
Moof: oh jesus
Moof: my hands just turned in to cats
Livestock: meow
Livestock: meow
Livestock: meow
Moof: i asm finding it difficdsujlt to tydpe
Livestock: raoooowwww
Moof: II WATFANT A MOUESSEE TO EAT
Livestock: HECTOR WHY

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff