This was a really fun update to work on. If you read yesterday's Daily Dirt, you know Dave and me had been planning it for quite awhile. I think it's earliest origins rest in a link Lowtax sent me years ago to a column by some old man in Kansas City. He was writing about paperclips or something dull and meaningless. I wanted to parody that and somehow Dave and me got to talking and blammo, this idea was born and sat on for months. Anyway, a lot of people will probably hate this update series and they can all go eat a pumpkin.

Yesterday and today the columns got progressively longer, which is not something that would occur in a real newspaper. This was done for artistic purposes. Our rage transcended all space considerations, as nothing could subdue our furious copy. It's also meant to symbolize the long-windedness of the elderly.

David was a pleasure to work with and I apologize profusely for all the horrible things I've been saying about him to virtually everyone.

Livestock: hey
Moof: hey
Livestock: :)
Moof: a/s/l
Livestock: 23/m/WA
Moof: are you wearing any socks
Livestock: nope
Livestock: why
Moof: i am
Livestock: okay
Livestock: cool
Moof: no gloves though
Livestock: i'm wearing gloves
Livestock: so that falcons can land on my arms
Livestock: they never do
Livestock: i'll keep waiting for them
Moof: what about a scarf
Livestock: no scarf
Moof: what about earmuffs
Livestock: yes
Livestock: you?
Moof: yes
Livestock: do you believe in fate
Moof: sometimes
Livestock: do you believe in litmus tests
Moof: yes
Livestock: moof when you are driving your car on the highway
Livestock: do you ever look to the side and see weigh stations
Livestock: and think "i wonder how much me and my car weigh?"
Moof: sometimes
Livestock: and then pull off and get in line to be weighed
Livestock: because i did once and they yelled at me
Moof: heheh
Moof: last night
Moof: i had a dream
Livestock: yes
Moof: i crossed the border into mexico
Moof: to go to the beach
Moof: and i sat on the beach and watched the sunset
Moof: and then drove home
Moof: and i was incredibly relaxed and happy
Livestock: did you see any banditos
Moof: nope no banditos
Livestock: that is a good dream

Fragmaster: hello
Livestock: hello kevin
Fragmaster: i was thinking that you're always talking to moof and people think it is funny so why don't we have a conversation and it will be a funny chat log as well

OK say something
Livestock: kevin what's the deal with microwave ovens
Livestock: it's like i looked at one with a microscope one day and i didn't see any tiny waves in there
Livestock: they ought to call it an invisible wave oven
Fragmaster: who the fuck do you think you are, Jerry Seinfeld?
Livestock: no of course not
Fragmaster: why don't you molest a 16-year-old girl you pervert?
Livestock: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
Livestock: WHAT THE HELL
Fragmaster: I'm an Internet Celebrity you little worm piece of shit
Fragmaster: Don't you know who I AM!??!!
Livestock: You're pile a crap
Fragmaster: I could snap your neck you little rubberducky sucking minsk
Fragmaster: ok that was as funny as a moof chatlog right?
Livestock: no it was not and frankly i'm disgusted with you as a person
Fragmaster: I don't see how, I thought it was hilarious
Livestock: ok dawg i'lll use it in my daily dirt
Fragmaster: Very respectful, high-brow, political humour
Fragmaster: NO DONT
Livestock: why
Fragmaster: oh OK this is a free country I suppose

U.S.A #1 last I checked....................................
Livestock: you're not very fun to have quality chatlogs with
Fragmaster: That's true

I need to add more emoicons and say cute things :)
Livestock: hehe :)

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff