GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST

Sometimes I go to craigslist and look at all the horrible casual encounter ads and suppress my urge to vomit. While doing so I found the picture of an old man and was so moved by it that I had to make an entire update about it. Well, sort of. Anyway that's really all there is to say. Props to Zack for being so swell about me muscling in on his newsletter racket.

Astute readers with no concept of good taste might notice this newsletter takes place in the fictional city of Shaggy Butte, which is also where the Senior Living with Josh and Dave (Parts One and Two) updates were set. Dave and me will likely be doing a sequel to that in the near future since it was received pretty well and a lot of fun to make.

Shoutout to the Ladies

PLEASE MAKE ME SOME FOOD I AM SO VERY HUNGRY.

A Forest of Chats with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: it is strange we call them chat logs you know
Livestock: is there a forest of chats somewhere
Livestock: and a lumberjack that chops down the chats
Livestock: and do the chat logs float down a river
Livestock: or ride on the back of a truck
Livestock: until they find their way
Livestock: into our heads
Livestock: to be typed out
Livestock: is it possible what i just said is a metaphor for the great force that brings us words
Livestock: is conversing a forest
Livestock: OH GOD ARE WE DEFORESTING OUR CONVERSATIONS
Livestock: MOOF
Moof: AARRGGHH
Livestock: do you have thoughts
Moof: i think that if conversing is a forest
Moof: then your mind is like the sahara desert
Moof: full of sand livestock
Moof: sand
Livestock: they don't call these sandlogs you idiot!!
Moof: they dont call them forestlogs either jerk
Livestock: DID YOU NOT GET THE PART ABOUT THIS BEING A METAPHOR
Livestock: MORON
Moof: DID YOU NOT GET THE MEMO ABOUT BEING A JERK BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU DID
Livestock: IF I COULD CRUSH YOUR HEAD IN THE DOOR OF A MICROWAVE OVEN I WOULD DO SO, BUT I THINK YOUR HEAD IS TOO BIG FOR CONVENTIONAL MICROWAVE OVENS
Moof: IF I COULD FREEZE YOU IN MY FREEZER I WOULD BUT THEN THERE WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH SPACE FOR FROZEN FOODS SUCH AS MEAT AND SALAD
Livestock: WHO FREEZES SALAD
Livestock: DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND LETTUCE
Moof: SOMETIMES YOU CAN FREEZE LETTUCE TO MAKE IT KEEP LONGER
Livestock: NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS WOULD I HAVE IMAGINED SUCH A STUPID THING TO COME FROM THE MOUTH OF A HUMAN BEING
Moof: MAYBE YOU SHOULD OPEN YOU HEART TO LET SOME DREAMS IN
Livestock: this is the last time i share any profound insights with you
Moof: I SWEAR TO GOD LIVESTOCK YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE
Moof: do you want a sandwich
Livestock: yes
Moof: okay :)

- Josh "Livestock" Boruff