electionday.txt
Actual photo of the Internet, circa 1994A young man named Stuart (aka "XOZero") whose work you might remember from one or two other articles, was something of an underground writer in the mid 1990s who freely gave his prodigal knowledge of anarchism and human manipulation to anyone with the ability to download his files. While some debated the sanity of just putting that kind of information out there willy-nilly, there is no debate that XOZero displayed a type of inborn cunning rarely seen since the days of the BBS. Stuart wrote a variety of files for every possible occasion, and Election Day 1994 was no exception. He provided insight into the American political system that you simply can't get from someone of voting age. Please enjoy.
By the way, the following file describes acts that could easily get you into serious trouble, so please don't actually use them. For all I know it is the only remaining copy of this, so it's being provided for the benefit of human knowledge as a whole, NOT as a tool for would-be minor league terrorists. Thank you.
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ELECTION MAYHEM EDITION 1994
--== I T S A N A R C H Y T I M E B A B B Y ! ! ==--
--== B Y : X O Z E R O N O V E M B E R 6 , 1 9 9 4 ==--
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I was loitering at Safeway at midnight naturally pondering what it
means to be true to the (A) and then it hit me....there is an
election coming up so what better way to bring about a change in
government than to use election day??
Thats right There are tons of old people all outside just asking
to be messed up by us!! it is the anarchist dream come true. In
every neighborhood across the country there are senior citizens
going outside of there homes and they are basically chickens to us
since they have no idea whats in your bag of tricks: My guidebook
and the tricks!!!
You don't believe I have what it takes Look for yourself
¯|¯ |¯ |¯ ¯|¯ |¯ |\/| |¯| |\| | /¯\ | |¯ | |
| |¯ ¯| | |¯ | | |_| | | | |¯| |_ ¯| . .
¯ ¯ ¯ ¯
"I STRUGLED WITH PAIN TO NO AVAIL UNTIL I USED YOUR PUTRID
STINK BOMBS ON MY WIFE NOW WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED AGAIN"
-Anonymous
"I am a high falootin doctor overseas you have never heard of me
but I can tell you that I am a smart man and you are smart too so
please continue your work and I will continue saving lives."
-Anonymous again
Well the results speak for themselves and the people do also so
lets talk about what we can do to people who are voting to bring
about the anarchy that runs in our blood.....
STAINS OF FURY
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somehow make a piece of clothing very stainy like with all kinds
of dirt and grime and gross stuff and then leave that out side
the polling place. When an old person picks it up they will wonder
how it got so bad and this will make them forget about voting
and then you can dump a garbage in the sun roof of their car.
I know this works because my bro. had the stomachflu one time
and my aunt looked in disbelief at his bed sheets for a lot of
minutes while I put garbage in her purse.
A BURDEN THE HAND
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find a lady at the polls with frostbite on her arms and then give
her some big boxes to hold. Chances are she will drop them and
then in the confusion you can start pelting people with
rocks or marbles
GETTING ALL HUFFY
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get really good at riding your bike with no hands because I have
found that when you flick someone off with 2 hands while you are
riding a bike its much more effective than just one hand because
then the guy you are flicking off is all like "Man He Practiced
Riding His Bike With No Hands So He Could Do That To Me" and then
just keep flicking him off until he gets out of his car and runs
after you. If you flick him off enough he will chase you on foot
for a long time and you can lose him in the woods and when he gets
back he'll think "Man I Should Have Used My Car To Chase That Kid"
Well you didnt.
PIZZA PUTO
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get a pizza delivered to your house (hint: say you have ELECTION
MUNCHIES so they dont think you are a trouble maker) and get the
door and when the pizza boy gives you your pizza immediately take
it out of the box and huck it onto the hood of his car and while
he's driving off you can pat yourself on the back for a job well
done because thats all there is to that one.
MAGNIFI-CENT!!
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go to a polling place with a penny and a magnifying glass and look
at president Lincoln on it until an old lady comes up and says
"What Are You Doing" you can say "I Am Admiring Our Nations
Greatest Hero" and thats when you let the ants out.
THE OIL BARON
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get an oil baron costume and then go to the polls. Then when your
in the polls start getting sick and vomiting and saying real loud
"JEEOSEPHAT!!!" and when a polling place person comes up you can
address the other voters and say "We All Could Have Stayed Home If
We Had Anarchy...." and they will change their votes to anarchy
and start flipping over tables and making gangs.
ANIMAL ATROCITY
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bring a big sack of stuffed animals and pull them out 1 by 1 and
just start drop kickin them all over the place. The people around
probably wont realize they are fake animals but if they do I guess
you could say they represent politics or something. But man it
works so much better if people think they are real animals.
TURKEY TIME
* * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bring a uncooked turkey or a really big chicken in to the polling
place with you and set it down on the floor and keep your hands on
it and then when a lady gets up from her chair to ask what you
are doing you can slide the greasy bird across the floor real hard
and probably take out a couple of folding chairs. Then run for it
Well thats all we have for today. It was kind of a rush because I
dont watch the news much and didn't know this was happening. I
think using the election is the best way to change the government
because of all the opportunities for tricksters such as us. Well
until next time . . .
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THIS PHILE WAS BROUGHT TO YOUR COMPUTER BY
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|:.. T O M B |
|:.. O F |
|:.. R A N D Y |
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REST IN PEACE, RANDY. WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU
--=== SysOps ===--
THE FAT ARM Mutant Mom
reeker CACTUS FRANKIE
Portly Prince Proto-Fart
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