JeffK Interviews Jake Simpson
If you are reading this, than SA is up. There's something goofy going on with the domain servers as I am writing this, and as a result, it is the opposite of being "up" (it's "down"). If you see any horrible HTML mistakes anywhere, don't blame me, it was the evil domain server of doom!
Keeping up Something Awful's fine tradition of journalistic integrity (*cough*), Jeff K. has posted yet another groundbreaking interview with a famous gaming software developer. This time the "Master of l33tness" takes on Jake Simpson of Raven Software, one of the men behind Soldier of Fortune, Heretic II, and the upcoming Star Trek: Elite Force. The interview is crawling with such intellectually stimulating quotes like the following:
Jake Simpson - Lets see, what exclusive info can I give you. I know. This is something no one knows, so keep it under your hat. The transporter operator in Elite Force is actually Brian Pelliter, the project lead. There! No one else has this.
JEFF K.!!!! - brian peltier? whos that i thought tyuo mades teh gaem!!! Or did he transport yuo off teh project?!? HAHAHHAHAHAHA fagot ###
Jake Simpson - Um.. well, I did. Sort of. Brian Helped. Actually, I have to break down and be truthful here. Everyone else did the work. I just came in to work and doodled all day.
JEFF K.!!!! - ewww, yuo doodled all day yuo should wear adult diapears at yuor age, HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! "OH NO ITS OLD MAN SIMPSON WITH HIS STAR TRACK GAME QUICK HIDE TEH POLYDENT"
Jake Simpson - *sigh*. Why do you think these jeans don't fit right?JEFF K.!!!! - thats what yuo gets when yuo buy clothes from "EVERYTHINGS A DOLLAR" store
Yes, that's the caliber of writing we aim for here. Anyway, check out the interview and maybe you might learn some exclusive information about Star Trek: Elite Force (you won't, but you should read it regardless).
Up for some hot and spicy legal advice? Leonard "J." Crabs sure as hell is, and his newest edition of "Leonard's Law" reflects this! Head on over and find out the answers to some of the most burning legal questions you may have, such as:
RECENTLY I WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL FOR SURGERY. I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE MY KIDNEY TAKEN OUT AND REPLACED BY TWO NEW KIDNEYS - ONE FOR NORMAL USE AND THE OTHER FOR "TURBO" MODE. WHEN I CAME OUT OF SURGERY, I NOTICED THAT THEY BOTCHED UP THE SURGERY BECAUSE I AM NOW A 6 FOOT TALL WHITE MAN NAMED "MARVIN JEFFERSON". I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER BEING A BLACK WOMAN BEFORE THE OPERATION. THEY EVEN CHANGED ALL MY PERSONAL PHOTOS AND BRAINWASHED MY FAMILY MEMBERS INTO GOING ALONG WITH THEIR SCREW UP.
SO I WAS WONDERING WHAT KIND OF MINERALS ARE FOUND IN THE ATACAMA DESERT? ALSO I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD SUE THE DOCTORS. AND THAT DESERT THING TOO, BUT MOSTLY THE SUEING ISSUE.
Wow, and to think people actually PAY to have questions like this answered! Well, not in real life, but in my fantasy world they do. Come on down and revel in the infinite legal wisdom that defines Leonard "J." Crabs, "Attorney" at Law!