Not This Time, World!
Sorry everybody, but I just wasn't able to write an article this week, because I was killed by wolves. Well, not "killed," exactly. That's taking it a little far. But definitely maimed. Maimed by wolves. Well, actually "maimed" might be a bit of a stretch. People usually take "maiming" to imply some sort of grotesquely disfiguring injury, and that's not really the case, here. But I was most definitely injured by wolves. Well, "wolves" might be something of an overstatement. There was actually only one wolf involved, but I guarantee you that I was most definitely injured by a wolf. Well, scientifically speaking, "wolf" isn't one hundred percent accurate. It was more of a dog. A Norwich Terrier, to be precise. They're great dogs, especially if you're looking for a companion. But they are low to the ground. So I guess it's not entirely fair to say that I was injured by a dog, but I did trip over a dog, and that's close enough. So no article today. Sorry. Blame the dog.
The Weekend What? The Weekend Who? The Weekend Web
Continuing today's theme of people not doing their jobs, Zachary "Spokker Jones" Something or Other is conspicuously absent this week, as he was recently blown up in his apartment complex. Luckily, the bossman, Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka was able to step up to the plate for this week's Weekend Web. The topic of choice this time around is music forums!

The Weekend Web! Live it! Love it! Read it!
This Week on Something Awful...
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The Wishmaster's Valentines
The Flash Tub
The Wishmaster grants some Valentines Day wishes with SURPRISE TWISTS.
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Safe House; The Vow; Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace; Shame; A Dangerous Method
Current Releases
No-one is safe, except for you. Safe from bad movies that is, thanks to our life-saving reviews.
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How To Make Someone Cry
Features / Articles
Maybe if I wore a cape and ran around someone's living room they'd start weeping violently.
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Historical Figure Hats / British Judge Wigs!
Photoshop Phriday
Hats? On people?! Wigs? On judges?! Whatever, weirdos.
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Aliens Unlimited: Galaxy Guide (1997)
WTF, D&D!?
Steve and Zack encounter unknown creatures in Palladium's guide to Aliens Unlimited.
