Video Game Article

Awful Articles

Wizard Of The Realm

Saturday, May 2, 2009 Update by Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

Connecting to server...

WIZARD OF THE REALM
The world's first Massively Multiplayer Single Character Role Playing Game!

[MENU]
- Play -
- Info -

>info

Info: Join thousands of fellow brave adventurers as you cooperate to control Wizard, the only hero capable of saving the Realm from Boss and his loyal horde of Minions!

>play

Welcome! There are currently 13,802 players in the magical realm of Realm. Enjoy your adventure!

[LAWNORDERFAN] has raised Wizard's left arm!

Wizard's left arm has been lowered by [KJeff]!

A bear walks by the window!

[LAWNORDERFAN] says: dude stop let me raise th arm got to open door

>say "hey everyone, how are things going?"

[KJeff] says: no man we got to use the right arm cuz left doesnt have skill learnd

[Forsooth] says: Hey, welcome back! Things are going pretty good. We're still trying to leave Wizard's house and get to the first quest, but we got Sitting and Turning (left) maxed.

[hjlkiwajfw] inspects Wizard's inventory. The Wizard has: 140 BARS OF GOLD, 1 ANVILS and 1 SOUL OF PAPER BOY.

[LAWNORDERFAN] has raised Wizard's left arm!

A dragon walks by the window!

Wizard's left arm has been lowered by [KJeff]! (Critical!)

>use soul of paper boy

Wizard uses SOUL OF PAPER BOY! -10 HP!

[Krankor] says: fucken idiot

[Forsooth] and [kORwa] attempt to move Wizard's right foot forward at the same time! Wizard is flung into the door! -3 HP!

A giant spider walks by the window!

>cast spell on door

Wizard concentrates, then unleashes Spell (lvl 1) on door! Door is not immune, but pretends it is.

[yOURdEATH] makes Wizard open his mouth, then scream for help!

Nothing walks by the window!

>inspect window

Object not found.

[Kesselrun] inspects Wizard's hat. It is somewhat pointy but otherwise featureless save for 1 TELPORTATION DEVICES.

[Forsooth] and [Hersk3002] and [beeboop] and [KJeff] and [Krankor] have Wizard use the TELEPORTATION DEVICES to teleport to Boss' chamber! There is a door that leads to Boss' kitchen, where he is eating breakfast.

[LAWNORDERFAN] has raised Wizard's left arm!

Wizard's left arm has been lowered by [KJeff]!

[KJeff] says: no man we got to use the right arm

A soulless paper boy walks by the window!

Zeno Clash
Several weeks of arthouse hype, four hours punching people with random animal features and animals with exaggerated features wearing random man-made objects. 6/10

Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2
The only people who said "I want this game to be made" followed it up with "because I work for the developer and have a family to feed". 3/10

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Just an ordinary, run of the mill movie tie in where you stab dudes directly in the head and essentially play out a ten hour Mortal Kombat fatality. 7/10

- Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell