It's Party Time

I live in a large college town, and the shcool I go to has a reputation as a party spot. Since the only thing I love more than going to a $400-an-hour class is going to a $400-an-hour class with a hangover, I often find myself at these parties, and I've made kind of a discovery: With all the Phish bootleg music in the background, it can be hard to come off as an interesting, intelligent person, even if you are smoking your favorite brand of clove and drinking a Smirnoff Ice with your pinkie out.

However, all is not lost. Here are a couple sure-fire conversation starters that should get everyone at the party engaged in a cultivating, intellectual discussion:

"Is it just me or are the holidays really depressing when they're supposed to be happy?"
"I really don't see the problem with pot being legalized. I mean, it's less harmful than alcohol."
"God damn I hate corporations. I refuse to eat at McDonald's."
"Bush stole the election and I dare you to prove me wrong."
"I'm an action figure collector- and a Japanese weapons collector too"
"Yeah, by the time I finished reading the complete Calvin and Hobbes collection I was pretty much bawling my eyes out."
"I'm sorry but I don't see a person as being a certain race or color- I see everyone as human beings."
"Maybe theres a far off distant galaxy where warcraft is real and all of my leveling up means something."
"Is it really democracy when your choice is just the lesser of two evils?"
"Huh I've never heard of that because I sold my televison. I didn't need the money, I just wanted to get rid of it."
"You know, this country runs on money and there's really something wrong about that."

Thanks to SA Forums members Crok, Kid Knee Bean, Bhlaab, and Closeknees for helping me compile such an awesome list!

Movie Reviews

Okay, so "Intercessor" has come and gone and I'm still alive. Next review I'll be looking at "Gingerdead Man", a touching Gary Busey film about a serial killer who comes back to life in the form of a gingerbread cookie. I wish I was kidding you.

Thanks

As most of you are aware, SA's undergone quite an overhaul in the last few months. Lots of new writers have been hired, and I've enjoyed reading stuff from both the old guard and the new crop. Being part of the latter group, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who writes in, regardless of what they have to say -- I'm just glad people are reading my stuff. Except the guy who called me "Faggot Andy Rooney." That guy can rot in hell.

Also, thanks to Johnny "DocEvil" Titanium and SA Forums user Spacecow, who switched my update from trite to funny with their awesome Photoshop work. I can't pay them but I'm sure a thank you is just as good! Especially if they have money!

– Evan "Pantsfish" Wade

More Daily Dirt

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.