I think my goal with my Something Awful updates is to be really inconsistent. This update is your standard, whiny, self-centered unfunny e/n garbage that I doubt is very interesting to anyone who isn't an east coast transplant living Orange County. That's a really narrow target audience.
Lowtax suggested I write about PS3 versus Xbox 360 versus Revolution, but I already did that. Writing about current events is pretty much out of the question since most of it involves people blowing up, and Lowtax already wrote about that. He also said I should write about how the poker fad is dying. And even though I think its popularity has peaked, I actually like poker and run a damn poker web site. Besides, even after the poker boom dies down, the game is going to be left with a ton more players than it had a couple of years ago.
I almost wrote an update about how the NHL is coming back (and how nobody really cares), but I care so little about the NHL's return that I couldn't even bring myself to make fun of it. That's pretty sad.
And of course in NFL news you've got T.O. and Ricky Williams being drama queens, but there's not really too much I could say about those situations that hasn't been said already. They're both dumb assholes and that's pretty much it.
Talking to Lowtax, date is 4/9/2001:
Fragmaster: haha, nice picture
Lowtax: Costuming I: Making a Tail. (6 hours) Learn how to make your very own tail! This course will cover a wide range of patterns for the many different types of tails. Instructor: Silverfang. Materials: $10 CDN / $7 US
Fragmaster: This gives me an idea for a feature film intitled "Can't Furrie Love" It's a romantic comedy about a fox furrie guy who meets a girl while out of costume, and quickly discovers that the girl has a fear of animals due to the fact her parents were eaten by some wolves. So there's hijinxs because the guy keeps going out as a furrie and he can't let his girlfriend know he's really a fox in a human's body. Eventually, he has to tell the truth to his girlfriend and she gets scared and run away and there's heartbreak and drama but at the end she shows up at his door dressed as a female fox and everyone is happy and in love the end.
Lowtax: Is there an old Jewish lady who provides comic relief by talking candidly about sex?
Fragmaster: yes, except that she's a furrie too
Lowtax: I like it!
Lowtax: I'll tell you what, I'm going to green light this picture
Fragmaster: You won't be sorry sir! We'll bring this baby in under budget and three days ahead of schedule. I think we can get Nic Cage to do a cameo as "furrie dog #3," that'll really pack 'em in their seats!
Lowtax: You add the comic stylings of Chris Rock and you've got yourself a deal
Fragmaster: No problem! He can say something funny about the difference between grey foxes and red foxes.
Lowtax: That's crazy!!!
Lowtax: And proactive
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!