This is a stealth Daily Dirt because I don’t want to advertise the fact that I don’t believe anything I said on the front page. I figure I’m going to get a lot of angry emails from people assuming I am xenophobic, hyper-patriotic, and racist. I’m not actually trying to make people mad, because hopefully 99% of our readers will know that it’s a joke, but I’ll never spoil a chance to let something innocuous rile up the retards.
The Worst Phrase Ever is…
"I’m a South Park Republican.”
No, you’re a fucking idiot. If you’re a “South Park Republican” then I am a “Perfect Strangers Democrat.” I can’t believe those goofball louts who created “South Park” have not only somehow continued to be popular but also spawned a quasi-political movement of disaffected white kids who are too cool for anything political other than the war on terror. Hey guys, guess what, your big ironic preachy South Park endings are still preachy endings even if you try to Trojan Horse them to the kids as a joke.
Matt and Trey, your big “Team America Puppet Patrol” movie is the ultimate example since every single moral you have is “the democrats are ‘a’ and the republicans are ‘b’ and we need something between the two.” Hey faggots, Neil Armstrong is “a” and a cannibalistic transsexual rapist named Custard is “b”, so let’s strive to be something between the two! Good work, Brain Trust incorporated. You really cleared up and set straight the ridiculousness of politics in this day and age.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!