What the hell, Livestock? Write something funny for a change!
It turns out they didn't fuck up Batman Begins at all. That was not only the best Batman film ever made, but also one of the finest films I've seen in awhile. Sure it had silly plot holes (a magic microwave ray gun that vaporizes water but has no effect on people), but it did a good job creating a fun and appropriate setting for Batman free of the ridiculous shit that plagued the last four films. Yes, the very concept of Batman is ridiculous, but when you have "Bat credit cards" and nonsense like that, you're off in the land of all kinds of crazy. We left the campy Batman in the 1960's, damn it.
A month or two ago I wrote an update on the Terri Schiavo situation. I was really very fed up with hearing about it, and seeing the ridiculous response from politicians and the media and so fourth. Anyway, my article was very mean-spirited, but really, there is only so much you can hear about a woman being kept alive unnaturally through science being used as a propaganda tool for those wishing to prevent unnatural deaths, or whatever the hell that whole confusing nonsensical situation was about. A few days later, a reader sent me an e-mail that made my head explode.
i have something awful set as my home page and i read it everyday , i was in tears laughing at the "through the feeding tube" update. Well the weekend of the 25th i was part of a community forum call in show on one of the stations i work for and i was there to argue an opposing side to the "pro terri" point of view. Well, as im driving down from my girlfriends house i get caught up in traffic and i am running late, for the show it starts without me and the two "pro-terri" people are going on about whatever emotional crap they are feeling on the matter, and then the host starts to read emails he says he has received from his website www.helpterri.org . Well, since i work here and was going to be arguing i wanted a copy of the show, if anything so i could go back and get mad at the cut i was debating. ANYHOW, i have attached a clip, UNedited from the show. have a laugh. if you decide to use this for anything, (feel free to do whatever you want with it) please edit the phone number from the clip.
Listen to the set up, both where he at, least implies (if not directly says) he got what he is reading , and who he credits.... then listen to what he reads.
Thanks & Takecare.
Basically, somebody took a few lines from my update, tossed them an e-mail, and sent them off to some of the people who were fighting to keep Terri Schiavo in a brain dead coma for as long as possible. I have no idea who said person was, and I don't particularly care one way or the other. The e-mail was then read on air, creating easily the most painful minute of my life yet experienced. I tend not to care much for what I write, as it's just me trying to amuse myself. But hearing somebody read your words while seemingly holding back tears is one of the most inexplicable experiences I've ever had. I had no idea reading my articles was such an emotionally trying ordeal for you readers. You can listen to a copy of the segment if you want, but dear lord is it ever awkward.
Livestock: Do you have a message of hope for the readers, Tom?
Moof: Fires are coming soon.
Moof: Watch out for them.
Tom "Moof" Davies turned 21 a couple days ago and can now taste alcohol for the first time in his life. He currently lives with a furnace and two appliances in Arizona.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!