Order in the Courtship
Courtship is a pretty stupid thing to write a SA front page update about because it's hard to work in "hilarious" references to Scientology, World War II, or the NES.
I actually like the idea of a wooing process. If a girl will let you remove her unmentionables on the first date... well, where's the challenge in that? It's too easy, like playing through Contra with the Konomi Code.
Ah ha, see how I worked the NES reference in there? HOW'S THAT FOR COMEDY GOLD?!?! INTERNET HILARITY AT ITS FINEST GENTS, SLAP ON YOUR LOLLERSKATES AND HEAD FOR THE ROFLCOPTER!!!!!!!!!!
Poker's Best Boy
The goal of courtship is to ultimately "poke her" and the goal of Bill Fillmaff is to teach you how to play "poker!" Look for chapter 5 of Bill Fillmaff's Secret System sometime today (or tomorrow or yesterday or ten years ago, depending on when you read this).
I help Bill out with posting his videos and he's an... interesting guy.
ICQ Chat Log Flashback
Finally, here's a chat log discussion between me and Something Awful Forum Admin radium, dated 10/14/99. There is no explanation or backstory or messages leading up to this exchange; we're just weird.
radium: HAHAHA IT IS FUN TO HIDE FROM REALITY
Fragmaster: HHAHAHA YES THE BLANKET OF DECEPTION CLOAKS MY TRUE READING ABILITY
radium: HAHAHS DWELRK MY DOG IS HERE HAAHA
radium: HAHAHAHHA AL;SDFKWJE;RLKWJQER OH DARN MY CAT STEPPED ON KEYBORD HAHAHA MY CAT IS FUN
Fragmaster: HAHAHA DOGS ARE FUN BE SURE TO GIVE MILK BONE
Fragmaster: IS IT PAPERFACE WHO FELL FROM SKY????????????????????????/
Editor's Note: Paperface was a skydiving cat created by radium which made Lowtax insanely jealous. I'd try to explain further, but it's a long, dumb story.
radium: HAHAHA YES IT IS HIM HE WAS HERE THEN FELL HAHHAAH IT IS FUN TO FALL AHAHAH
Fragmaster: HHAHAH A THE LAUGHS ARE APLENTY HERE IN THE MESSAGES OF THE ICQ THANKS TO THE CRAZY ISREALIE PROGRAMMERS HAHAA THEY CRAZY ZANIENESS MAKE THIS FUN
radium: HHAAHAHA YES THE.
radium: HAHHAA YES
radium: CAW CAW HAHAHA IT IS FUN TO BE A BIRDS
radium: HAHHA IT IS FUN TO HAVE A GREEZY HEAD HAHAH
Fragmaster: YES I KNOW I LOVE HOW I CAN ALWAYS FIT THROUGH DOORS BECAUSE OF GREEZE HEADDDDDDDDDDD WHY YOU LIK EHEAD SO MUCH YOU ALWAYZ TALK ABOUT IT IZ THIS HEAD FUN TO U?????????????
OK, that's enough.
We've found some cool stuff in the woods. Now it's time for you to pinkie swear you won't tell mom and dad.
There's a Brainiac. He's not THE Brainiac. However, he's one aspect of Brainiac. Or maybe there's supposed to be a different Brainiac in every universe and they're all cosmically connected, presumably via their brains. Either way, I think this particular Brainiac is the boss Brainiac.
I highly recommend Windows 10 With Mouse + Keyboard Support Edition
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!