After releasing this article I was informed of a few more facts about our friend Jackie P. that perhaps bear mentioning. I guess I'll stick them in bullet points for ease of reading.
The following quote from the "About Me" section of her blog illustrates her real dating situation even more clearly than the fact that she uses an internet dating ad and then writes a bunch of essays about it:
"Brien (Bartels): My ex-husband turned gay best friend. We met via the Libertarian Party during the 2000 election campaign. We were both on the hunt for a spouse, discovered that we had a ton in common, and after a speedy courtship we married in January 2001, five weeks after our first date. Our marriage lasted for a little over a year and a half, until Brien finally realized that he was actually (in his words) "GAY GAY GAY". We split up in late 2002 but remain best friends."
That's right, she was so entirely desperate to get a man that she married a gay guy after knowing him for five weeks! Perhaps I am misunderstanding the term "high quality," but I wasn't aware that included actively being "on the hunt for a spouse" before you've even gone on a single date with a guy and maybe, I don't know, asked him if he's actually interested in women. (Thanks Chris Lovins for this hot tip)
Or then there's the blog entry she wrote just last night, which included this interesting take on the importance of money in relationships:
"I used to be a believer in the popular myth that poverty in the US is the result of poor luck, not poor character...Having finally learned my lesson, I will never date someone in a lower socioeconomic class again."
I could not make this up.
In another blog entry, [url='http://jacquelinepassey.blogs.com/blog/2006/08/example_of_a_st.html']here[/url], she gives an example of a typical email stalker, who she emails back again and again for some reason. While the guy is maybe a little creepy at first, he eventually comes off as the more reasonable of the two, pointing out that a) her standards are way too high for the person she actually is, and b) if she did in fact want him to stop emailing her, then "go fuck urself why are you still responding." Well said, Mr. Stalker, well said.
This email exchange also nets us another gem in Ms. Passey's grab-bag of self-deluding elitism:
"Thanks for indirectly saying that I'm in the top .01% of the world population, but I think that's a little high, probably more like top 1%."
Anyway, this might be a good time to bring up the fact that a good personality, a sense of humor, and being humble are key components a lot of people look for in a date. How might the complete lack of any of these affect your vital quality factor, Jackie?
Ok, that's it from me! From all of us here at Something AwfulTM, have a great day!
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!
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